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The Brickster's Yashiki (ブリックスターの屋敷)
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Hikonyan
かわいい侍猫
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Posts: 37
Location: 彦根城日本

PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 1:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hi, everyone! HiHiHiHiHi!!!!! It's me, Hikonyan, badass samurai cat and invincible defender of Hikone-jo! Brick's on vacation this week and I'M in charge of the Brickster's Yashiki!

Go check out the issue that's on everbody's mind these days-"The Hikonyan Conundrum", on the August 3rd entry for the McBurly Monogatari! It's important stuff you all should know! Nyan nyan!
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Brick McBurly
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 2:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Well, now that my vacation’s out of the way and Hikonyan has been appropriately ragged on, I guess I can finally get around to writin’ about my experience of bein’ Team Japan’s Goodwill Ambassador to the 2009 MLB All-Star Game in St. Louis last month on July 14th. As you’ll recall, on my trip cross country from Ko’s Maxim photo shoot in LA to St. Louis I was made the fall guy for some chick who wanted to trade sexual favors for snack foods; go down (she wanted to) a coupla’ entries for the lowdown on that.



Anyway, I did manage to make it to the All-Star game on time and visited the clubhouses for both the American and National Leagues. Of course, even that didn’t come off without some glitches. Just about the time I was gettin’ ready to visit the enemy in the American League clubhouse, that grandstandin’ publicity hound and banty popinjay Obama Bin Laden decided to pull rank and go in there instead-and there’s no way the Secret Service was gonna let any non-player visit the clubhouse at the same time. I can understand-bein’ shown up by the Brickster would be quite the humiliatin’ experience for the Prez. This did lead to quite a bit of confusion, though, and if you watched the game you probably saw some of it on display. Durin’ the game they showed a clip of Obama introducin’ himself to Suzuki Ichiro (he, of course, bein’ the Seattle Mariners All-Star Right Fielder and a national hero in Japan). Ichiro had the most hilarious “WTF??!?!?!” look of surprise on his face I’d ever seen! Turns out that Ichiro was a big fan of the Brickster (rumor has it his contract with Seattle calls for them to burn every episode of ‘Abarenbo Gaijin’ onto DVD as soon as it’s aired and Fedex it to whatever city the M’s are playin’ in) and had been told that I was on my way into the clubhouse. When he was told someone wanted to introduce themselves, he turned around expectin’ me-but instead was confronted with the phony grin of a politico sniffin’ out a photo op. If you listen closely and can understand Japanese, you can even hear Ichiro exclaimin’ “Who the hell is this loss?”



Despite Obama’s diplomatic faux paus, everythin’ turned out OK. Ichiro and I finally got to meet and I signed a few DVD boxes for him, and in return got a signed baseball from him (see picture). What a clown-he even signed it “Joe DiMaggio”! We had a good laugh over Obama’s bumblin’ antics and even lined up Ichiro for a possible cameo on Season Three of “Abarenbo Gaijin”. I passed out Team Japan hats to all the guys from both teams (just to remind ‘em who kicked their ass in the WBC). Then I went out and took battin’ practice with the big boys. I’d deem my session in the cage a success, since I drilled some talkin’ head from Fox Sports Net in the nuts with a sizzlin’ line drive and almost took out a groundskeeper when the bat slipped durin’ a hard swing and went flyin’off like the rotor from Traffic Copter One. The night ended on a somewhat sour note when my boyz from the NL lost yet again, 4-3. They ain’t won the game for 15 years or so. They shoulda’ sent me up to pinch hit-as any woman could tell ya, not only does the Brickster swing some serious lumber, but he’s never struck out. Not even once. If that ain’t Big League, I don’t know what is.



The Team Japan gig worked so well that my handlers at The Studio thought it would be a great idea to extend it to other sports. However, there seems to be somethin' lackin' for some of these other passtimes-for example, there ain't much in the way of Japanese football (and no, soccer ain't football) for me to suit up for the benefit of the guys in the NFL. Same for basketball-besides, I ain't worn shorts since summer camp back at Camp Forest Green. The final blow to the program was dealt when we did a test shoot for Team Japan's Goodwill Ambassador to the NHL. Somehow, I think the feelin' of camaraderie and goodwill kinda gets lost along the way.
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Brick McBurly
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 10:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Since as you all know by now Abarenbo Gaijin Season 3 has been pushed back to early 2010 (thanks to the lousy economy), the Studio's decided to come out with a theatrical release of the show to tide things over and keep interest high. In the tradition of many Japanese TV series that do the same thing, it'll result in some nice CG and stock footage that the weekly show can recycle, makin' it cheaper to produce. The title'll be "Abarenbo Gaijin: Swords Touching Across Time On The Mystic Island Beyond The Looking Glass (2009)". Yeah, it's wordy, ain't it? And I'm happy to report that swords ain't the only thing that are gonna be touchin'. The basic premise of the movie is that the evil kami Beechou that has the hots for the Brickster (raisin' the question of whether such a wise being can truly be evil) has seen Koyori in the mirror of Amaterasu. She puts Koyori into a coma and ensconces her on the Mystic Island so as to eliminate the competition. However, she's underestimated the Brickster's devotion to his gal (not to mention the fact that she's holdin' the winnin' lottery ticket in the Ako Han Sweepstakes, worth a cool million Ryo). This is another clever cost cuttin' measure since Ko only has to appear in the beginnin' and end of the film, with a body double used the rest of the time.

The Brickster sets out to find the gorgeous Koyori and awaken her from her stupor with a kiss...not to mention some other time-tested esoteric Kama Sutra techniques. Along the way, the Abarenbo Gaijin universe takes its first steps outside the pre-modern eras of Japanese history as the Brickster frantically uses his arcane Shingon scroll and his pal Seimei's dubious onmyodo skillz to travel through dimensions and time lookin' for that damned Mystic Island. Got any idea how many of them there are out there? Some of the worlds include WWII era Japan, a world where spandex clad teams of super heroes battle aliens and monsters, a Manga world (this part's kinda like Roger Rabbit-the real Brickster interacts with long legged chicks in schoolgirl uniforms with swords and eyes the size of dinner plates), the legendary Great Miyako Pillow Fight, and even briefly the Brickster's own time as he reunites with his mentor, elderly professor Chiba Tsunetane. The big surprise arrives when it's revealed that the Professor's deceased daughter (who was mentioned WAY back in episode one of the weekly show) was the reincarnation of Koyori, and holds the key to her revival. Well, I guess it ain't gonna be such a surprise now-but anyway, the Brickster foregoes stayin' in his own time to learn the sekrit that will save Koyori (and maybe have a little fun with her reincarnated self-I mean, it's not like it would really be cheatin', or anythin'...).



Both Seimei and Koyori return from the TV series, but there are new characters as well. Pictured is the Brickster and his new sidekick, the ghost of Aruga Kosaku, the Captain of the WWII Japanese Superbattleship Yamato. Aruga decides it'd be lots more fun to scare the hell out of civilians and help out the Brickster than to continue sulkin' in the sunken hull of the Yamato. Hilarity ensures, and the Captain's wacky antics even attract the notice of a well-known group of paranormal investigators and eliminators who I ain't allowed to mention yet since we haven't nailed down a licensin' deal. We'll probably just go the Chinese route and use the same group with new names to save money. Anyway, this classic'll be hauntin' movie screens this holiday season in Japan-I think it might be runnin' on a double bill with a Hamataro film or somethin', since the kids'll love it.
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Brick McBurly
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 6:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Koyori makes me let Hikonyan have his own page on McBurly.com since she thinks the little bugger is just SOOOOOOO adorable and cute. While at times I wish the Ii-sponsored huckster would take that fabled trip through the Sakuradamon, it hasn’t turned out so bad since every time the white tub o’goo tries to one up the Brickster, he usually ends up shootin’ himself in the foot. I guess I can count myself lucky that Ko didn’t develop an infatuation with one of the smarter mascots, like Shima Sakonyan.

But as luck would have it, the Brickster accepted a job over a few bottles of sake as the Em-cee for a recent Japanese TV Special without readin’ the fine print in the contract…and this is what stared him in the face the day he set foot in the studio for rehearsals:



Now, while this ain’t as bad as signin’ a contract to appear as the lead in a Shinsengumi yaoi film, it’s more than enough to give Tony Bryant nightmares for the rest of his life. And if that didn’t do it, this video will:

Go HERE for the video-it's on the October 5th entry. Yeah, it's worth it.

Damned if it doesn’t look like a Japanese version of one of those Disney ‘Monsters Vs Aliens’ CG animated films. Can you imagine turnin’ this group of characters loose in an American neighborhood for Halloween? And of course, front row center hoggin’ the spotlight is that big ham Hikonyan with his gal pal Yachinyan. I can spot Ishida Mitsunyan and Shima Sakonyan along with a bunch of other mascots I’d rather forget.

Sadly, while the gatherin’ of them all in one spot at one time was reminiscent of a similar plot put together by Vlad Tepes in Wallachia several hundred years ago, the outcome wasn’t nearly as upliftin’. Nope, they sang and danced badly, and worse, I was under a contractual obligation to…to…ENCOURAGE them. Oh, the shame! How will I ever show my face down at the Lucky Star tearoom ever again?

Or maybe it’s just a sign that the Brickster needs to get a mascot for his show. I’m thinkin’ a Pam Anderson in-her-younger-days look-alike with a schoolgirl uni would fit the bill nicely, or somethin’ symbolic and subtle, like a giant dancin’ hot dog.
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Brick McBurly
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 6:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
There’s a great new product out there that’s guaranteed to make forkin’ over yer dough on a monthly basis a real pleasure. What in hell could that be, you ask? Why, Brick McBurly checks, of course!



Brand new from Hardland/Clarke Checks “Stars of The Silver Screen” series, Brick McBurly style checks will have women the world over eagerly reachin’ for their checkbooks to catch a glimpse of the Brickster in four scenes from Abarenbo Gaijin Season One. And as long as that checkbook’s out, what more apropos way to use them than orderin’ a dozen or so Brick McBurly T-Shirts? It’s a natural! For years, people have found themselves a few dollars lighter whenever they encounter the Brickster-just ask any of the hundreds of people I’ve borrowed money from. So it won’t be nothin’ new to ‘em when catchin’ a glimpse of me costs them a few bucks.

Ain’t it ironic, though, that hardly anyone in Japan has a checkin’ account? Still, I’m sure my legions of Japanese fans will order them as novelty items. The Brickster hisself ordered a couple of boxes to use when he’s visitin’ the States and can’t get out of havin’ to pay fer somethin’. Guess I really should open up an American checkin’ account somewhere to back them up.
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Brick McBurly
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 2:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Last week my alleged pal Tatsu did a bit 'a editorializin' on Animeigo's press release for the Tora-san boxed DVD set. I kinda have my doubts this was in the original:

"Tora-san is billed as "Japan's Most Beloved Loser" (at least before Brick McBurly showed up)!"



Well, thanks a million. That just ain't right! Let's do a scientific comparison of the Brickster and Tora-san. Tora-san is loud, obnoxious, attracts trouble wherever he goes, doesn't fit into polite society, acts like a big goof around good lookin' women, borrows money and mooches off his friends, loves a good laugh, is drunk most of the time, and embarases the hell out of his family. Now, the Brickster, he...well...well, OK, there are some superficial similarities, but in the only two categories that are important we see what separates the Brickster from Tora-san.

1) In the Tora-san movies I've seen, Tora-san hasn't delivered a royal ass-kickin' to some jackass, much less filled up an entire movie with them.

2) Tora-san never scores. NEVER. Even when a woman voluntarily enters a Love Hotel with him. What the hell kind of salesman is he supposed to be? The Brickster, on the other hand, ALWAYS closes the deal, if you get my drift. Now, while I'm not much of an accountant like that rice-counter Tatsu is, I'd say that alone puts me in the Winner's Circle.

So as you can see, Tora-san really doesn't have much in common with the Brickster at all. Plus his movies make more money than mine. Tatsu, you suck, but you've got a cute wife, so I guess you can still hang out with me, long as you're buyin' an apology round.

Also, the Halloween season just wrapped up, and the Brickster ended an exhaustin’ round of doin’ haunt publicity for haunted attractions in his American hometown of Cincinnati. It was cold, wet, and nasty, and I caught the dreaded H1N1 at some point but managed to soldier through my obligations. Even with that, it was a helluva lotta fun, and was topped off by a great Halloween party over at the home of one of the actresses from one of the bigger events. Sonja’s a stacked Goth chick that plays vampires at different area attractions and works the rest of the year as a stri…err, exotic dancer at Racer’s gentlemen’s club in Sparta, Kentucky by Kentucky Speedway. Since I knew there was no way I’d get back to Japan in time to enjoy the annual Japanese Halloween tradition of Obenjo Kusanosuke’s ‘Tales By Midnight’, I figured I might as well enjoy a good old-fashioned American style Halloween celebration. So with Koyori in tow to enjoy her first taste of what a real Halloween celebration was like, the Brickster set out for Sonja’s ‘Club Blood’. Ko’s outfit was basic but had me in stitches-she had on one of the custom women’s ‘Brick Layer’ T-shirts that you’ll soon be able to buy in the Samurai Archives store. The Brickster did things right, hittin’ Halloween Express right before it closed for the night and walkin’ away with this gem of a costume at 50% off (here's the header card photo from the costume bag):



I gotta tell ya, the Snake Charmer costume was simply the BEST. COSTUME. EVAR. Women are absolutely mesmerized by it-the only thing I’ve ever seen that can reel them in faster is an open wallet full of cash. They can’t help themselves-they’re drawn to come over to touch and fondle your pet Trouser Snake. Now, I had Ko right there ridin’ shotgun on me, so that’s as far as things went, but for the savvy shopper who’s smart enough to leave his wife or significant other at home, the possibilities are endless. The only thing ya gotta watch out for are folks followin’ an alternative lifestyle. Guys, perfect that steely, threatenin’ glare that says ‘Don’t even consider it, Bub-I’ll end your life’ for any man you don’t know that wanders near. Now, women battin’ for the other team are sometimes harder to ID and head off, so there’s always the chance that one of them might attempt inflatable reptilian homicide with a sharp object and deflate your dreams of feminine conquest. The good thing is that once you’ve been at the party a coupla minutes a crowd of straight chicks should have gathered by then-their built in radar will kick in and they’ll usually place themselves in harms way to ensure the safety of the sacred spittin’ cobra. You can also make yourself the focus of attention for an impromptu ‘ring toss’ drinkin’ game. All in all, the Snake Charmer costume is a great boon to horn dogs on the town, and has the added benefit of allowin’ you to drive with no hands.
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Obenjo Kusanosuke
Kii no Kami
Kii no Kami
Forum Kanrei
Forum Kanrei
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Joined: 16 Dec 2006
Posts: 4554
Location: Tokyo, Japan

PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 2:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
This year's "Tales by Midnight" took a turn for the worse and weird. Some dork showed up at my doorstep dressed as Ishida Mitsunari. Before he could even say 'trick or treat', Ashigaru, who was dressed as Fukushima Masanori and was playing the part well by consuming vast amounts of sake, grabbed a persimmon and shoved it in Mitsunari's mouth and screamed, "how's that for your digestion, you total loser?" Mitsunari responded by trying to apologize and even tried to offer us a donut. Nobody would go near it, although some strange neighbor who was dressed as Hideyoshi eyed it rather hungrily. Go figure.

And Tora-san movies totally suck. Animeigo gets a demerit for daring to even bother to release these absolutely uninteresting movies, regardless of the fact that Yamada Yoji directed 'em. Perhaps they should have translated them into Korean for the North Korean market. I hear the Dear Leader is fond of Tora-san flicks. It's somehow fitting that one real life loser should be a fan of a fictional celluloid loser.
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Brick McBurly
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 3:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hey guys! As luck would have it, the Brickster’s newest film ties in with one of the hottest topics on the SA. I’m referrin’, of course, to Korean Admiral Yi, whose reputation among the people of Korea was exceeded only by his love fer hisself. In these tough economic times, The Studio has decided to throw in their lot with a Korean production company. They’re plannin’ a sequel to the recent Korean blockbuster comedy maxi-series, “The Immortal Yi Soon Shin”. Here’s the official press release:

Following in the footsteps of the recent Korean blockbuster comedy maxi-series, “The Immortal Yi Soon Shin”, is the sequel-starring Japan’s most famous foreign film actor!

Brick McBurly IS “The Immoral Yi Soon Shin”



Yes, that wacky Korean Admiral and his crew of lovable misfits are back for more mischief, but this time on the BIG SCREEN! Think that the legend of Admiral Yi ended with his death at the battle of Noryang? Well, guess again, Bucko! Admiral Yi, nauseated by the fawning and unwanted attention of his legions of hero worshippers, has taken a page out of his idol Elvis’s playbook and FAKED HIS OWN DEATH! That’s right-the good Admiral is ship-shape and ready to take the fight to Japan! With his handpicked crew of jolly jack tars, Yi stows away on a Japanese boat filled with Korean captives on its way back to the Land of the Rising Sun. And wouldn’t you just know it-that ship is FILLED with Korea’s most gorgeous starlets! While Yi and his lusty crew throw themselves into the task of liberating the gals (from their virginity), Korean Rear Admiral Kim Ledbotum suspects that Yi is still alive and, determined to court-martial him, sets out in hot pursuit. Ledbotum chases Yi from one part of Japan to the next, leading to the climatic showdown taking place during the Great Miyako Pillow Fight! Can’t you just FEEL the excitement in this excerpt from the script?


CUT TO:


Yi writing in his battle record superimposed over a collage of action shots

VOICE OVER:

However, about four hundred, exhausted women, finding no way to escape, deserted their pillows and fled ashore, while the remaining Japanese women (one large busted, seven medium, and six small) who had been showing their behinds during the battle, seeing from afar the whoreable sight of burning passions and falling trousers, hauled their asses very fast and fled in all directions. Memo to self: look up definition of 'run on sentence.'





Can Yi and his new Japanese allies, the Shrine Maidens of Izu, along with Elvis (played to perfection by the Brickster’s feisty sidekick, Hikonyan), possibly stand against the might of the Korean navy? Make sure to stick around for the stunning conclusion, where it’s revealed EVERYTHING in world history originated in Korea!

And who better to play Admiral Yi than the only man with an ego as big as his-that being jidai-geki star Brick McBurly! The Brickster has been graciously lent out to Gochu Productions to bring Admiral Yi’s glory to full mast on the wide-and LONG-screen! The Brickster’s take on Yi is historically accurate down to the...biggest detail, whether he’s engaged in a dancing contest with Kato Kiyomasa or getting revenge on the insane evil monkey god Hideyoshi by playing ‘Dock The Turtleboat’ with Nene! Yi frees the slaves! Adopts all the Korean war orphans with Angelina Jolie! Invents a cure for cancer! Introduces the Schoolgirl Sailor Suit to Japan while finding a new crew! He even turns himself into an atom bomb and blows up Japan (they got better)! One thing’s for sure-there’ll be no buggery or god-cursed sodomites* in this film-just good old fashioned fornication on the high seas!

*Obscure Shogun Reference, if you’re keeping score

Co-Starring Koyori McBurly as Izu High Priestess Makura Nage
Special Appearance by “Crouching Tiger” Woods as Yasuke
Featuring The Hit Single "Turtles And Whores" By Floyd Tucker, Long Haul Trucker
Coming your way in 2010
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 3:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
The Brickster is proud to announce that the ‘Brick McBurly’ section (seen HERE) of the Samurai Archives store is sellin’ three (or five, dependin’ on how ya count) brand new styles of licensed Brick McBurly T-Shirts! Yes, guys, it’s time to throw out that ripped up worn out ‘Abarenbo Gaijin’ shirt (or better yet, use it ta polish yer classic ride, like my orange '66 Mustang) and take things to the next level. But the REALLY big news is that the Brickster’s listened to his legions of adorin’ female fans and put together a stylish women’s T just for them!



First off is the “The Brickster: Jidaigeki Legend ‘Miko No Kami’” men’s T (in style ONE or TWO). Each one of these babies is painstakin’ly stitched together by Cafe Press’s piece workin’ ronin turned yamabushi and infused with sekrit mystical powers. Guys, boldly state that just like the Brickster, you’re a legend AND a chick magnet-well, assumin’ your wife or significant other lets you be. It practically screams out “Yes, Bush-ido is practiced here.” Let it be known to shrine maidens across the land that there’s a safe haven to be found in your arms! Now, while we can’t guarantee that wearin’ this shirt will draw those cute gals in the sexy red and white outfits from miles around to you like a beacon in the darkness, it sure works that way for me. Will beauteous shrine maidens be magikally compelled to seek your protection and paw your body through the rich, comfortable fabric? Well, bub, you’ll never know unless you buy one.



And assumin’ that shirt works for you the way it works for me, what better gift to give afterwards than the brand new ‘Abarenbo Gaijin-Brick Layer’ T? This form-fittin’ ladies T-shirt is guaranteed to show off any woman’s up-front assets to maximum advantage. Ko looks like she's been poured into hers, and that particular drink's to my likin'. The Brickster usta have the prototypes made up in bulk and has been passin’ 'em out as keepsakes to his more…shall we say, forthcomin’ female fans. It’d be tough to find a gal in Kyoto that doesn’t have one of these secreted away in her closet. You’ll also see Tomoe Gozen, Ichi, the Princess of the Mirth Spider Tribe, and other hot historical babes wearin’ these in ‘Abarenbo Gaijin-Season Three’! Ladies, it’s your chance to boast to the world of your proud conquest-heck, it’s practically a feminist statement! Join the ranks of the ‘Brick Layers’ and impress all your friends. Be the envy of the crowd at the next ‘Brick McBurly Valentines Day Hot Tub Party’! Make sure to think up a convincin’ cover story if you plan on wearin’ it in front of your husband, though, cause I'll deny everythin'.



Lastly, you can try’n pass yerself off as a member of the Abarenbo Gaijin production staff with the gah-ran-teed to impress ‘Abarenbo Gaijin Staff’ T (in style ONE or TWO), usin’ the show’s revamped logo. You know that if Elvis or Nobunaga were still alive, they’d be sportin’ one of these bad boys. Wear it in Japan and use it as an icebreaker to pick up chicks in Shibuya! Enthrall your friends and family with tales of your time on the set and the off screen camaraderie between cast and crew! Don’t worry-the ‘ol Brickster’ll back up any crazy story you make up-I do it for Obenjo and Ashigaru all the time. That’s what pals are for, right?

And best of all, every purchase helps enrich the coffers of the Samurai Archives and insure that it remains a safe haven for Japanese history junkies everywhere. In fact, if you don’t buy at least one, the Brickster’ll be forced to conclude that you’re downright dishonorable and traitorous to the cause. Do you want to go down in history with your name next to Akechi Mitsuhide’s? Hell, no! Go down the RIGHT way by buyin’ a Brick McBurly T.
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 5:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hey, everybody! I gots some great news fer ya! Some of you know that Google has recently been movin' all the sites on Google Pages to Google Sites, and many sites have been lost, stripped from their owners, or screwed up beyond redemption. The Brickster's been tremblin' in fear of the day BrickMcBurly.com's turn came up. And it looks like that time was this mornin'! Uh oh

Well, I'm breathin' a sigh of relief at the results. Everythin' but the backgrounds seems to have made the trip over, although some pictures ended up gettin' dropped and the videos the Brickster hosts were totally screwed. But I just spent the whole mornin' learnin' how to code 'em the new way, so eventually they'll be back. It's gonna take me a coupla months to clean up the formattin', re-add whatever pics need it, and reformat all the vid files. So it's a little bit of a mess now, but really, with me runnin' it, always kinda was anyway, so mosta ya probably never woulda noticed.

Just think-the Brickster came THIS CLOSE to disappearin' from the web and bein' outta all yer lives FOREVER! Aintcha glad that didn't happen? Well, aintcha? Now you can look forward to my company for YEARS and YEARS! Just think of all the amusin' hijinx, babes, jidaigeki, drinkin', dancin', and camaraderie in store! Yeah, I can hear yer hearts settlin' down from here. And ya know, the Brickster loves each and every one of you just as much. Crying So ya really oughta go to the Samurai Archives Store and buy one of my shirts, so Kitsuno can quit pretendin' he's blind and sellin' pencils outta a tin cup on street corners.
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Location: 東映太秦映画村

PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2010 2:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hey, everyone! Finally it’s here-all thirteen episodes of Abarenbo Gaijin Season Three are in the can and awaitin’ yer viewin’ pleasure (this fall, that is, exclusively on the Studio’s Samurai Action Productions cable channel). The Brickster returns as his own bad self along with returnin’ cast members Koyori McBurly as Warrior Shrine Maiden Koyori and Monsai Nomura as the time displaced onmyoji Abe No Seimei. Straight from Abarenbo Gaijin-The Movie and appearin’ on a regular basis will also be Aruga Kosaku (the ghost of the Captain of the WWII Superbattleship Yamato), a character created entirely through the use of CG. This season, the weekly recurrin’ foe will be not one, but TWELVE Hattori Hanzos! As always, the main bad guys will bookend the season by bein’ the showcase of the first and last episodes, and a different Hanzo will make a cameo every week in the remainin’ twelve. And just for the guys in merchandisin’, the Brickster gets a brand new super-weapon…Hanzo’s fabled spear Sainenjiyari! From the official press release, here’s the complete episode listin’:

1) The Ego Ninja Clan-Known as the most arrogant band of ninja with feelings of entitlement in the land, the Ego Ninja clan set their sights on Brick’s Shingon ‘Time Travel’ scroll. When the group unleashes their flunky Hattori Hanzo to steal it, the combination of mystical ninjer power and Brick’s stupidity results in Hattori Hanzo I through the XII ending up in the same time period-and all looking for the scroll. Costarring Shmou Kosugi as the Hanzos.

2) Public Enema #1-it’s 1594 and Ishikawa Goemon is robbing the wealthy citizens of the Capital blind. As it turns out, Seimei’s the spitting image of the master thief. He’s hauled in and scheduled to be executed. Can Brick stop laughing long enough to clear Seimei’s good name before the gentile onmyoji is treated to a fleshy enema by his cellmates and then boiled alive by the Taiko?

3) Kawabungajima-Looking for a great vacation spot, Brick recalls that historian Karl Friday called Kawanakajima an island during the course of a History Channel interview (BRICK’S NOTE-Yes, he actually did). When he hears that fellow sake aficionado Uesugi Kenshin plans to go there and deploy his water wheel, that seals the deal. Brick packs up his surfboard and heads off, finding himself in the middle of a pitched battle between the Uesugi and Takeda.

4) Ichi Meets The Three Legged Swordsman-when Brick decides to romance the blind traveling musician Ichi, he’s unaware that’s she’s a master swordswoman and the daughter of the legendary masseur/gambler/drunkard Zatoichi. Giving her his unnecessary protection in an attempt to impress her with his manliness, it’s up in the air who will kill Brick first-the kabukimono gang, Koyori, or Ichi.

5) Her Majesty’s Secret Servicer-Brick’s Great-Great-Grandfather, Popeye McBurly, has been sent by his lover Queen Victoria of England on a sekrit mission to recover a prized stolen tea set from Choshu extremists. That’s what Popeye claims, anyway. The jolly jack tar’s antics after deserting the English fleet threaten to escalate into an international incident when he joins Brick in thoroughly scouring the Yoshiwara inside and out in an effort to uncover the stolen goods. Will the duo’s rendition of ‘Camptown Races’ ignite the powderkeg that is Bakumatsu Japan? Featuring Brick in a dual role as both himself and Popeye.

6) The Mirth Spider Tribe-As a favor to Seimei, Brick sets out with the legendary warrior Raiko (Minamoto no Yorimitsu) to pacify the Earth Spider Tribe on the northeast frontier of Tenth Century Japan. Being a typical male and unable to follow simple directions, Brick instead ends up on the tropical island paradise of the Mirth Spider Tribe-a group of scantily clad gorgeous women addicted to playing practical jokes and performing early versions of Three Stooges routines. They’re women who actually have a sense of humor, something virtually unheard of in the regular world. Can the siren call of these temptresses lure Brick away from his mission of returning to his own time?

7) O-Jiihad-When Koyori’s uncle, the famous calligrapher Chiba ‘Sharpie’ Musashi, covers the outside of the Jesuit Church in Azuchi with derogatory graffiti he’s caught red handed by Father Phatazz (played once again by Stephen Seagull). Brick and Koyori must rescue the rascally old codger before he is driven insane by the Jesuit’s attempts at converting him.

8 ) The Miyako Hillbillies-Oil tycoon Saito Dosan has hit a huge vein of bubbling crude, and his relatives have advised him to take his newfound wealth and move to the capital-Miyako, that is. Courtiers…sake bars. Together with his daughter No, redneck samurai son-in-law Oda Nobunaga, Oda’s sister Oichi, and the family’s pet chimp Hideyoshi, Saito moves in next door to Brick and Koyori. The goofy Oda, unsure of whether to become the Shogun or a fry cook, takes offense when Brick develops a hankerin’ for Oichi’s ‘critters’. Only time will tell if Oda gets treated to a heapin’ helpin’ of Brick’s foot up his back passage.

9) Big Shot-Master marksman and womanizer Saika Magoichi of the Saika Mercenaries blows into Doju, and the town turns out to be not big enough for him and Brick. Brick, being a Westerner, naturally owns dozens of guns and knows how to use them, but they were all left in the future. When the big showdown occurs at High Hour of the Horse (or is it Rat? We can never keep those two straight…), what chance does the unarmed Brickster have of emerging victorious? Costarring Taira Kiyomori as Henry VI.

10) Naka’d Up-It isn’t until after Kiso Yoshinaka’s been killed at the Battle Of Awazu that his mistress, Tomoe Gozen, finds out she’s pregnant with his child. Her day is further ruined when she finds out from Brick that not only does no one in the future believe she existed, but she’ll be the subject of a hack author’s embarrassing fantasy series. The formerly mighty warrior goddess is reduced to a blubbering, weepy shadow of her former self and it’s up to Koyori to restore her into a large breasted, ass kicking machine.

11) Kondo-San-Brick hits upon the idea of peddling ‘Taiko-enz’ prophylactics door to door in Bakumatsu era Kyoto. Not only does this make him a small fortune, but it’s a great way to meet chicks as well. Before long, every woman in the city looks forward to ‘Kondo-san’ knocking at their front door. But not everyone’s happy-Brick’s new nickname leads to a case of mistaken identity with Kondo Isami, the leader of the dreaded Shinsengumi. Will the Shinsengumi come knocking on Brick’s back door looking for revenge, or will the wily gaijin’s friend from Shochu han, the mighty Kuraku’d Tengu, save the day? Brick reprises his role as Kuraku’d Tengu from the TV movie of the same name.

12) He’s Dai Man-The loathsome, bloated kaiju Hagfat threatens to crush Edo under its bulk and tiresome rhetoric. Brick knows there’s only one man capable of saving the day, and for a change it’s not him. He enlists Koyori’s aid in entreating the great kami Daimajin to battle the corpulent and self righteous shambling monstrosity. Will even the stone god’s fabled Ten Foot Pole be enough to straighten out the hate-filled beast?
With a cameo by Ishikawa Raizo, reprising his ‘Flaming Rider’character from the series of the same name.

13) Hogen’s Heroes-Despite his protestations that “I don’t even KNOW these @$$holes!”, Brick is caught up in the sweep of prisoners in the wake of the Hogen Disturbance. He’s cast into the high security Imperial Prison #13 to await his sentence. Luckily, the prison’s commanding officer is the buffoonish Director of the Imperial Stables of the Center, Koroneru Kurinku, who’s much more at home in a linked verse competition or sipping sake with courtesans than he is at enforcing rigid discipline amongst the prisoners. Will Brick be able to engineer a mass escape from the prison before his head is forfeit? More importantly, will he be able to survive without women for that long? Co-starring Shimura Kon as Kurinku.

Season Ending Movie: Cheaper By The Dozen-All twelve Hanzos, having failed miserably on their own in the first thirteen episodes, decide it’s time to team up and take out Brick once and for all. They unveil their secret weapon-the kunoichi Hattori Hanzo the 69th, seductress supreme who has never failed to get her man. Brick is captured when, confronted by the female ninja, all the blood rushes from his head to…well, you know, and he passes out. Unless Seimei can come up with some onmyoji magic that is good for more than winning free drinks, things look bad for the Brickster.

And as a special treat just for Samurai Archives readers (well, and the readers on my site, and anyone else who got the press release), here’s an excerpt from the shootin’ script for episode 1:

"Brick finishes the incantation and in a puff of smoke, eleven more Hanzos appear. They all have on high-tech day-glo ninja costumes using different colors and roman numerals corresponding to their lineage on the back.

BRICK:
Oops.

KOYORI:
Brick, that trick NEVER works!

BRICK:
Ah, c’mon, hon. We all know this is entirely Seimei’s fault.

SEIMEI:
Me?!?!?!?!?

For no apparent reason, a man sized rabbit wearing soiled hakama, carrying two swords, and smelling of sake appears amongst them.

BRICK:
Hate to break it to ya, doc, but you ain’t scheduled to appear until Season Four. So get lost, willya?

The rabbit glumly hangs its head and accompanied by studio security shuffles offcamera muttering drunken curses to itself.

HATTORI HANZO I:
Fool! Our Lord desires to acquire the secrets of time travel. Hand over that scroll now, and I promise your death will be an easy one!

CUT TO MEDIUM SHOT OF BRICK, KOYORI, AND SEIMEI

BRICK:
I don’t think so, bub. There’s that whole ‘in the wrong hands the sekrits of time travel could prove disastrous’ thang. They need to be in the hands of someone with enough wisdom, perspective, and good judgment to use ‘em-like me.

Koyori and Seimei exchange eye rolling looks of dismay at this bit of BS.

CUT TO HATTORI HANZO I

HATTORI HANZO I:
And while we’re at it, give me that woman. She would provide a most suitable plaything for those long nights in the ninja village….

CUT TO BRICK

BRICK:
Pal, it ain’t like I own her or anythin’. She’s here because she wants to be-provin’ that she ain’t just gorgeous, but brilliant, too.

THE SHOT TRACKS BACK TO A LONG SHOT

HATTORI HANZO I:
If you won’t hand them over willingly, then we’ll just have to take them by force!

All 12 Hanzos ready their weapons and strike fearsome Ninjer poses, each one with a different esoteric ninja killing tool.

CUT TO MEDIUM SHOT OF BRICK

BRICK:
Brick turns and looks straight into the camera
This is our third season-ya think they’d have caught on by now that this ain’t gonna work.
There’s a blur of on screen motion and Brick is suddenly wrapped head to foot in chains.
Course, there’s always the chance they ain’t been watchin’….

HATTORI HANZO I (OFF CAMERA):
Now, get the girl!

The ensuing fight is not seen but the results are telegraphed through Brick’s facial expressions and grimacing along with a generous helping of graphic sound effects and screams. There’s a short silence that’s followed by the sound of a melon being crushed and a look of ‘male sympathy pain’ on Brick’s face.

Koyori enters the shot and cuts Brick’s chains with one stroke of her naginata.


BRICK:
Not bad, babe. Even though you were strikin’ with your arms and not with your body on Number III. And didn’t this take you a little longer than usual?

KOYORI:
Well, there were eleven of them…

BRICK:
Eleven?

PAN WITH BRICK AS HIS WALKS AROUND SURVEYING THE CARNAGE

Wonder what happened to the Big Cheese? But it sure was thoughtful of him to leave his spear behind.
Brick lifts up the spear, hefts it experimentally, and then slings it over his shoulder. He’s found a new toy.

KOYORI (OFF CAMERA):
That’s the mystical spear Sainenjiyari. I’d be careful with that if I were you.

Brick turns to address her and in a perfect Three Stooges tribute, the wildy arcing spear knocks out Hanzo III, who has just returned to consciousness.

BRICK:
Hey, it’s me. Why, it couldn’t be in more capable hands. But for now, let’s get outta here and seal up this cave…

FADE OUT and then UP TO BRICK, KOYORI, AND SEIMEI WALKING UP TO THE EDGE OF A CLIFF

BRICK:
OK, I figures if we drop a boulder from here that oughta take care of blockin’ the cave entrance. (switches to stage whisper) Seimei, has that fake boulder from the prop department shown up yet?

Seimei produces a clipboard and flips through several pages of budget estimates.

SEIMEI:
On our budget? I’m afraid not. Do you know how much fake boulders cost?

Brick moves offscreen and then reappears rolling a ridiculously huge boulder.


BRICK:
Never mind. We’ll just use a real one.

Brick pushes the boulder off the cliff.

Bombs away! And that’s that.

CUT TO HATTORI HANZO I EMERGING FROM HIDING AT THE BASE OF THE CLIFF

Hanzo hears a sound like a cartoon version of incoming artillery fire. He looks up.

CUT TO SHOT OF THE DROPPING BOULDER FROM HANZO’S POV

The boulder rapidly begins to close and blot out the sky.

CUT TO SHOT OF HANZO FROM THE BOULDER’S POV

Hanzo’s terrified eyes bug out from above his half mask Just before impact-

CUT TO LONG SHOT OF BRICK, KOYORI, AND SEIMEI IN SILHOUETTE WALKING DOWN A ROAD TOWARDS A BEAUTIFUL SUNSET

BRICK:
Now, me hearties, it’s on to the capital for us!

KOYORI:
What’s a ‘heartie’?

As the group’s continued conversation begins to fade, a large ‘splat’ is heard from off camera, the screen shakes, and a huge cloud of dust is propelled into the shot from below.

VOICE OVER FROM BRICK:
So I ended up with the girl, the spear, the scroll, the goofy sidekick, and perfect hair to boot. It might not be a fairy tale endin’, but it’s good enuff fer me.

The ending credits roll over the shot.

Just before the final fade we hear some unintelligible dialogue from below, which is conveniently given subtitles:


HATTORI HANZO I:
This isn’t over! I’ll get you for this!"
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Brick McBurly
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Location: 東映太秦映画村

PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 3:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Things have been kinda quiet and solemn in the Brickster's Yashiki, and the Brickster hisself hasn't went out for a night on the town in almost-wow, it's been almost three days or so. My family was takin' note of my unusually subdued behavior and I thought for sure that Ko's dad would take the opportunity to have me committed to a mental hospital and then get his daughter a quickie divorce while I was inside. Still, without havin' Corky the wonder dog around to pal around with at the end of the day it was all I could do to tend to the basics-showin' up for work, givin' a magnificent performance, comin' home, and puttin' a smile on the face of my gorgeous, compassionate, brilliant wife with some of the Brickster's trademark lovin'. It was awful! But I guess the strain musta showed to Ko, since she went out and picked up a little somethin' at the pet shop for the Brickster on the same day we got Corky's ashes back from the funeral home. So, let me intraduce ya all to my new pal, Cuddles McBurly!



Yeah, that's right-I didn't get to pick out the name, since I woulda chosen somethin' cool like Sabertooth or Reaper. Cuddles is a Japanese woman's idea of a good name (ie, sickenin'ly cutesy), and even worse, both the Brickster's own saintly gray haired mother and mother-in-law have approved of the choice. Ko's already gone out and bought her a complete wardrobe for all seasons-even a schoolgirl uniform, fer crissakes, but I gotta admit I did think that one was kinda funny. Poor animal! Next thing ya know she'll show up with pink ribbons attached to her ears. At any rate, Cuddles loves the Brickster and I love her back just as much. She's the cutest and friskiest furball ever seen, and as much of a chick magnet Corky was, a tiny puppy dog (all one pound eight ounces of her) that looks like a Teddy Bear or cat is even MORE effective at drawin' chicks into her orbit than he was. Yep, I can tell we're gonna be the best of friends, as long as I can keep Ko from goin' too overboard on the 'dress-up' aspect of things.
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2010 2:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
One thing the Brickster’s never been able to figure out is the appeal of ronin characters in chanbara films to Westerners. You know, those ill kempt smelly lazy unemployed drunken slobs who ostensibly exist to right the wrongs of the evil rotten dictators of the Tokugawa Shogunate. We’ve seen ‘em glorified in film after film, from Mifune in Yojimbo to the crapload of 47 Ronin films released over the years. Even the classic ‘Seven Samurai’ would be more properly called ‘Five Ronin, a Samurai, and a Farmer’.

Of course, anyone that knows jack about Japanese history knows that the Tokugawa Shogunate wasn’t the absolutist power it’s popularly depicted as and most of the power lay in the hands of the individual han (which is why the Shogunate ended up bein’ toppled so easily durin’ the Bakumatsu). The Shogunate did much to improve the lot of commoners, farmers, and merchants, enrichin’ them many times over while the wealth of the samurai dwindled greatly over the 250+ years the Tokugawa ran things. Over 250 years of peace, prosperity, and cultural development-that’s what the Tokugawa brought to the table.

Ronin, on the other hand, weren’t quite the Robin Hoods of Japanese history. Most of ‘em were the problem rather than the solution, bein’ a large source of crime. Peasants, merchants, and townspeople were routinely leeched off of by ronin who found extortin’ money from them lots easier than workin’ real jobs. The yakuza crime cartels were formed in large measure to protect the commoners from ronin. And of course, with the recent research done on the 47 Ronin we know they were little more than a group of surly thugs who capped a largely blameless Lord Kira in a medieval drive-by. Not to mention every time you see a ronin in a flick, you’re likely to see them indulgin’ in all night sake binges that they don’t have the money to pay for.

OK, to recap briefly, ronin are:

1) Smelly
2) Unemployed
3) Alcoholics
4) Disrespectful Of Authority
5) Lazy
6) Dirty
7) Thieves
8 ) Extortionists
9) Drifters
10) And I ain’t even includin’ the fact that lots of them like Musashi were often spotted in the company of young boys

Now, coincidentally enuff, we had a similar group of men that shared these exact same characteristics here in America. In the good ol’ USA, we called our ronin ‘hobos’.



These days we call ‘em bums or to be PC, homeless or employment challenged. With one major difference, the two groups match up perfectly. Who can’t picture Mifune’s character in Yojimbo sluggin’ down a bottle of ripple while loungin’ in a boxcar of the B & O Railroad outside Pittsburgh? The 47 Ronin’s leader Oishi Kuranosuke shopliftin’ porno books from the 7-11 while his 46 cohorts distract the clerk? Ogami Itto with a ‘Wil Sord Trane Fer Fuud’ sign around his neck at the highway exit ramp, or Zatoichi (who ain’t really a ronin, but close enuff) spritzin’ yer windshield and wipin’ it off with a dirty rag while yer stopped at a red light?

So what’s that one big difference? Well,

11) ronin tend to walk around armed and dangerous, killin’ lots of people at a moment’s notice. True, that ain’t to say hobos can’t be psychos, but most of ‘em don’t go that far.



Strangely enough, we have a large group of people in the US that fit this expanded description too. They’re called serial killers and/or mass murderers. Again, one can draw comparisons between Oishi Kuranosuke and the 47 Ronin to Charles Manson and his Family of followers. Lady Snowblood and Lizzie Borden-separated at birth? The Zodiac Killer seems a perfect match for Kurama Tengu. And Tange Sazen could be Ed Gein’s long lost brother.

So, to get back to my original point, why do ronin attain such hero status among a lot of Westerners? Well, as any shrink will tell you, people identify with fictional characters that they see themselves as bein’ like. So, in effect, there seems to be a large class of chanbara fans who are ravin’ homicidal sociopaths, which seems to jibe with certain posts on the subject I’ve seen here on the SA. It also explains while so many of ‘em make an attempt to emulate their heroes by halfheartedly indulgin’ in sword trainin’. The only thing that stills puzzles me is how most ronin are rail thin but the ronin fanatics I’ve seen are usually tippin’ the scales at a rather hefty tilt. Hopefully future scholars on this subject will follow the Brickster’s trailblazin’ efforts and solve this final piece of the puzzle.
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 3:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Well, since Tatsu felt the need to swipe my blog pics for his game article, I figgered I might as well post the article that goes with 'em.





One of the most beloved characters in Japanese fiction, film, and television is Mito Komon. He was an old coot of a samurai who wandered around Japan disguised as a retired wealthy merchant. With his two young aides, he did his best McBurly imitation by beatin' the crap out of ronin, gangsters, corrupt officials, and pretty much anyone who pissed him off. And just to put the exclamation point on things, at a dramatic moment his lackeys would confront evildoers with his inro sportin' the Tokugawa crest-just so they know they're not only gettin' humiliated by a ji, but that he's also THE MAN.

But did you know that Mito Komon was a historical figure? Yep, he was the historical Tokugawa Mitsukuni (1628-1701), a member of the Mito branch Tokugawa family. Mitsukuni was a historian and began work on Dai Nihonshi, a history of Japan that took over 200 years to write. Yeah, he's probably the guy that changed the number of guns at Nagashino from 1000 to 3000 because he liked the idea, settin' the precedent for Wikipedia's scholastic standards. He wandered around the countryside lookin' for sources to use in his meisterwork, and since people got bored easily in those days, his travels began to become the basis for all kinds of legends and wild stories.



What's even more obscure is the fact that Mito Komon was one of the first Japanese to travel to the West. Still in disguise, he visited many foreign lands, sharin' with them the secrets of Japanese culture and cuisine in return for knowledge of their strange ways. His special recipes became the stuff of even greater legends in the West, and it was ironic that this same knowledge was to be exported back to Japan around 150 years later when Matthew Perry's Black Ships steamed into Edo Harbor in 1853. This of course was what led to the entire 'expel the barbarians' movement, which was spearheaded by none other than the Mito branch. The shameless copyright infringement involvin' Mito Komon's secret recipes indulged in by the hated westerners showed these visionaries exactly what they could expect from outsiders in the future. Alas, it didn't work out quite as they planned, and it was decided to embrace Western cuisine as a way to make Japan strong enough to confront the West on its own terms, usin' its own weapons. But it's now 150 later, and things have proved so tasty that the Mito extremists got fat and lazy eatin' Western food, and they decided "screw it...and hand me those mashed potatoes. Then I'm heading over to Mr. Donut". And in the interim, the Chinese had learned from the USA and become the masters of copyright infringement, making it all a moot point. Matthew Perry's master plan had thereby come to fruition, a plan over 200 years in the makin'-thus endin' this tale of Mito Komon.
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 1:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Recently a copy of Stephen Turnbull's "Samurai Women" made it into the Brickster's possession. Now, THIS was a book I had been anticipatin' fer quite some time! As I opened the Amazon box, I just KNEW the smiley face on the outside was a precursor to the Brickster's own wide grin as he perused the pages of what promised to be a classic. But when my tremblin' hands opened the pages of the book, it became obvious that fink Turnbull had let me down again. Sometimes you have to wonder what's goin' through his head when he puts these Osprey meisterworks together. When the Brickster thinks of Samurai Women, here's what comes to mind:













But no-all I got was a historical survey of the role women played in beatin' the crap outta men, which is pretty much still goin' on when you make one of them mad or she finds out certain things that she wasn't meant to discover, because, after all, nothin' was goin' on there, really, and she was jumpin' to conclusions. Even the pics of women dressin' up in their hubby's armor lacked spice. It just ain't right! Turnbull took a topic that no one could possibly foul up and drops the ball anyway. My pal Tatsu says it's loaded with errors, too, but he liked it, tellin' me that he ain't been spendin' enough time with his wife.
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 26, 2011 9:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
It's been awhile between big screen appearances fer the Brickster-almost a year when "The Immoral Yi Soon Shin" was released. What with the upgrades done to the TV show and my appearances on J-variety programmin', there wasn't much time to shoehorn in an entry for the local multiplex. However, the Brickster's pleased to announce the impendin' release of what's sure to be a blockbuster even bigger then "Shogun Sexecutioner". The studio is so impressed with the film that they gave it a limited release in two theaters in December so's it could qualify for the Japanese Academy Awards. Don't believe the rumors that the Studio did it so they could take it as a tax write-off for 2010.

So, what is my new epic? It's a film based on the adventures of one of the most famous samurai of the Sengoku-someone so compellin' that he was even included in Georgia Coffee's 'Sengoku Busho' series of coffee cans. A samurai that not only only fought with his sword, but with his mind-not to mention what he wuz carryin' around in his hakama. Yes, it's "Maeda Keiji-Sengoku Stud". Based on the best-sellin' computer game of the same name, this tale relates the story of the fabled "Vagabound Of The Maeda" as he roams the length and breadth of Japan with his faithful horse Matsukaze (played by Cuddles McBurly in her first co-starrin' role). This movie is a big step forward for women's rights in Japan, as when one of the castles Keiji is defendin' actually comes under attack, he gathers the women of the castle together and sends them forth to confront the enemy on his behalf. You've never seen samurai combat quite like this! In the next couple of weeks we'll be providin' the official press release along with the reviews done by critics who saw the limited run in December. The film goes into general release February 25th in selected locations around Japan. Either that, or straight to video, dependin' on how drunk Ko's father is when I try to sneak the distribution deal past him. Anyway, here's one of the publicity stills (which our photog Obenjo Kusanosuke did up in an old fashioned 60's chanbara film style):



Here's the official synopsis included in the press kit of the Brickster's newest classic:

"You LOVED him in "Shogun Sexecutioner"!

You ADORED him in "Abarenbo Gaijin"!

You WORSHIPPED him in "The Immoral Yi Soon Shin"!

Now, it's his turn to return the love! Brick McBurly IS "Maeda Keiji: Sengoku Stud!" Based on the best selling otome computer game, it's the Brickster's newest full length motion picture from the same folks who brought you Obenjo Kusanosuke’s “The Yoshiwara: A Scratch ‘N Sniff Guide”. Follow the adventures of Keiji, the legendary "Vagabond of the Maeda", as he drifts from town to town. All of the famous incidents in the historical Keiji's travel journal are here! Cry as Keiji is cast out from the Maeda after a ground-breaking attempt at being the first eco-friendly, "green" samurai. Who knew that Keiji's "tree hugging" performance with family matriarch Matsu would lead to so much trouble? Undaunted, Keiji and his stout oak hit the road where the rebellious rapscallion breaks all the rules! When the evil Kato Kiyomasa bans dancing in his fief, it's Keiji to the rescue! The anal retentive Kato is powerless as Keiji proceeds to Osaka Castle and "does" the Cha-Cha, resulting in the Taiko's concubine stepping in and removing the ban (along with all of her clothes)!

While on his journey of enlightenment, Keiji hits upon the scheme of providing "protection" for castles that have been left in the hands of the wives of daimyo who are away conducting warfare! This not only assures he's completely out of danger, but also allows Keiji to make the rounds of the most famous women of his time! From Hosokawa Gracia to Nene, No (who says anything but to Keiji), Oichi, Inahime, Ginchyo, and the sassy Ogo (who changes her name to "O-goD!" when she's with Keiji), they're all here! The Studio has spared no expense in rounding up the most famous up-and-coming starlets from local Soaplands in casting these real-life "History Grrrrllllsssss!"

But it's not all about the opposite sex-try as he might not to, Keiji is inextricably drawn into the web of battles that will decide the fate of the land! Watch as Keiji pulls off the miracle at Hasedo! Acting as the "rear guard" for Uesugi Kagekatsu and Naoe Kanetsugu, Keiji singlehandedly thwarts the advances of the one eyed wonder worm Date Masamune and the "crack" troops of his evil yet flamboyant Shudo Squad!


Brick's favorite (and father-in-law mandated) costar Koyori McBurly plays Tomoe, Keiji's biggest fan, as she follows him from town to town in an effort to win his heart and settle down with the rogue warrior. How'd she get here from the Kamakura era? Well, she's fictional-we can put her anywhere we want, smartass! For all her fans who were devastated when she was slaughtered by pedestrian writing in the pages of a hack author’s lame fantasy series, she's back and doing what she does best-kicking butt and showing off her goodies! And in her first co-starring role, the newest McBurly, Cuddles, appears as Matsukaze...Keiji's jive talkin’ hip-hoppin’ skateboardin’ animal sidekick (voiced by famous American voice over artist Edie Murphy)! Other well known stars include Uchiyama Rina as Izumo Okuni, Oshida Reiko as the Yoshiwara Shogun, and the sprirt of Mercedes McCambridge as the voice of bloated kaiju Hagfat!



You can't go wrong! It's the perfect date movie and the kids will love the talking monsters and cute animals! Please watch for our humble film when it premieres February 25th at a theater near you!"

So how was my newest classic received durin' its limited engagement? Well, howz about we let the official press release tell the story...

"The critics are unanimous in their praise*!

Lt Domer, creator of ‘LOL Samurai’ and connoisseur of the Fine Arts-“Aside from myself, no one could come closer to capturing the true essence of this misunderstood master warrior than the Brickster. I’m just pissed that a dime a dozen washed up has been never was beat me to it. I have ten Maeda Keiji Sengoku Busho coffee cans, and wouldn’t trade them for a million Nobunagas…although I might for a Blu-ray copy of Ninja Assassin”

The Screwed Up Pathetic Realm Of Loathsome Bloated Kaiju-“More snack food. Movie need more Twinkies. Wheelbarrow full of Twinkies. Hungry. Tasty. Itchy. Twinkies. MMMMmmmmmmmmm……”

Uncle Ashigaru’s Prime Time Cinema Drive-In Theater-“I liked the naughty bits”

The Forty-Seven Ronin-“After seeing what Keiji made out of his life, we regret having thrown away our lives on killing a blameless old man to settle the score for a worthless drunk. But we’re dead now, so oh well”

The Usagi Yojimbo HoJo-“Cuddles McBurly is a welcome newcomer to the ranks of anamorphic animal samurai. Too bad they had to include all that nasty sex stuff and storylines we didn’t understand.”

The Yakuza Film Rundown-“Forget it, Brick. This is the third time you’ve inadvertently deleted our review from your email and asked for it again. Who knew your computer skills were as bad as your acting?”

Fighting Women’s News-“After our screening of ‘Maeda Keiji-Sengoku Stud’ we felt like laying down our arms and opening our…well, tee hee, you know, for the Brickster. His tour de force performance shows the folly of violence and the importance of real, heartfelt love-and getting him a beer after we’re done. It was Brickalicious! Hands down, better than a harigata”.

Mark Duhcascos-“Keiji’s the subject of my next special, and I was thrilled to find such a gold mine of historical information that I can use to pad out what amounts to a two hour travelogue showing me throwing History Channel’s money down the crapper. Keiji is every bit as important to Japanese history as Musashi. I guess they’re both comparable to Pee Wee Herman’s importance to the history of the Alamo, but I can really use the paid vacation”.

Miyamoto Musashi-“Hey, I AM important. History Channel devoted an entire special to me. What, you didn’t see it? And Brick, I still haven’t forgotten that wedgie you gave me in Season One. I’ll get you for that!”

Uchiyama Rina-“Did I hear ‘Brickalicious’? MMMMmmmmmmmmm……”

Brick’s Picks Fer Samurai Flicks-“Yes, Rina, you did! And this film is brilliant! Author! Encore! There’s no question that El Brickatore deserves an Oscar and more importantly a big raise, not the proposed pay cut, fer his performance in this cinematic masterpiece. He’da been even better if his troublesome costar Koyori hadn’t cramped his style all the way through filmin’ on and off the set. I mean, what is she, his mother or sumthin’? Still, his deft balancin’ of comedy and masculinity is no small feat, ‘specially considerin’ I…err, he was drunk all the while through filmin’”.

Please watch for our humble film when it premieres February 25th at a theater near you!

*of Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai."
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PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2011 2:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


The Brickster wuz checkin’ out the action on eBay the other day, and in the course of one of his searches the item above came up. Now, at first glance this looks like somethin’ a Chinese hooker might wear in San Francisco to play up to the tourist trade. Not that I’d know anythin’ about that. But no-it’s actually a kid’s costume from the 1960’s TV Series “The Samurai”, which was to Australia what the Batman TV show was to the United States. While the Brickster was born right at the end of Bat-mania, my pal Tatsu gushes about his fond memories of livin’ through it as a child-so “The Samurai” musta been somethin’ pretty special down under. But just take a look at this outfit-how many poor boys from Oz decked themselves out like Asian women of easy virtue and took to the streets in search of ninja who would laugh themselves to death after gettin’ a look at their outfit? And ya gotta love that historically accurate patch on the breast pocket-“Shintaro, Master Swordsman of the Samurai”. I suppose it makes sense-after all, there ain’t much time fer introductions durin’ a swordfight and it’s always nice to know who’s carvin’ you up. It probably saved on havin’ business cards printed up, too. And check out that cardboard effigy of Shintaro that’s fillin’ it out-as a kid, I’da had nightmares about this thing hangin’ in my closet and comin’ to life when the lights were turned out. I bet there were even kids who cut eyeholes in Shintaro’s cardboard face, stuffed it down the front of the outfit, and went for the ultimate in realism. Or the kids that preferred Ninjer cosplay mighta used Cardboard Shintaro for target practice with the throwin' stars they cut outta tin cans. But what’s most amazin’ is the price on this thing-over $400 bucks American! For a cheap Halloween costume? Sheesh! So what made the Shintaro series so special that it commands this kind of jack years later?

Well, luckily, one of the Brickster’s Australian fans (a right pert Sheila if ever there was one) sent him the entire ten (!) volumes of Shintaro episodes so’s I could find out for myself, along with the documentary “Shintaro: The Samurai Sensation That Swept The Nation”. And the reports of Shintaro’s popularity weren’t exaggerated-Australian promoters booked star Ose Koichi to do a tour of Australia along with several large stage shows. Everywhere he went, he was met with huge mobs that rivaled those that the Beatles were gettin’. All of the Sydney stage shows sold out at 6000 plus per show and they hadda book a bunch more in Melbourne to meet the demand. But lookin’ at the show, it ain’t immediately obvious what the big attraction was. It’s pretty standard jidaigeki TV fare-Shintaro’s an “Omitsu Kenshi” (Spy Swordsman, which also happened to be the Japanese title) who travels the land lookin’ to help out his half brother the Shogun and defend the Shogun’s valued minister, Lord Sadanobu. In Season one, he travels up to Ezo to spy on the countryside for the Shogunate. The other nine seasons feature ninja free for alls, as Shintaro and his ninja pals take on a variety of enemy Ninjer clans. It’s a low budget kid’s show, is poorly dubbed in English, the plots are ridiculous, the logic is paper thin, and the special effects are a laugh riot.

But ya know what? It’s entertainin’ as hell. Every episode has a huge body count, evil never prospers, Shintaro is the champeen of women and the common man (just like yers truly), and he never hesitates to kick the ass of anyone and everyone who gets in his way (unless it’s a chick, in which case he delivers a verbal spankin’-not a real one, unfortunately- and turns them to his side). If that ain’t good entertainment, I don’t know what is.

But the real attraction is the Ninjer! Every episode after season one is loaded with ‘em, and there must be a Ninjer Farm since even when one side loses every single one of their men in one episode, five minutes later in the next episode they’re fully staffed again. Usually each season features a different enemy ninja clan (the last season features ALL of them), and actor Amatsu Bin plays almost every one of the different clan chiefs. Must be a strong streak of incest in ninja clans. The ‘hero’ ninja all have special magik powers that are a riot, and EVRY SINGLE TIME they use them they’ll scream out what they’re doin’ at the top of their lungs. “Iga Ninja Fire Trick!” “Koga Ninja Spider Trick!” “Puppet Ninja Face-Stealing Trick!” “Phantom Ninja Blinding Snow Trick!” “Fuma Ninja Mirror Trick!” “Hayes Ninja Fraudulent Book Trick!” And these are the most arrogant. Ninja. EVAR. If you want to play a Shintaro drinkin’ game, just down a shot every time you hear a ninja say “Now I’ll show you what an Iga/Wolf/Koga/Spider/Fuma/Puppet/Phantom/Etc Ninja can REALLY do!!!!!!”. You’ll be drunk outta your mind before the next episode. These guys spend so much time posturin’, braggin’, raggin’ on the enemy, and struttin’ around gloatin’ that when their chance to kill Shintaro comes up, they obliviously let it pass by. But it’s the Iga ninja that really take the cake. These guys are the Shogun’s bodyguard and Shintaro’s allies. It’s hard to see why because they’re killed by the hundreds while inflictin’ no casualties on their opponents, and they’re completely clueless how to proceed in any given situation. When they want to show you what they can REALLY do, this translates into “watch me die”.



Their leader is Shintaro’s lackey, Tonbei the Mist, and he’s the last word in ineptitude. Tonbei’s a big time asshat who always has a stupid smile plastered on his face. He’s the Bullwinkle to Shintaro’s Rocky. I love this character! Shintaro probably just keeps him around to act as ninja bait to draw his enemies into the open, since Tonbei screws up every single plan he’s entrusted with, usually endin’ with him bein’ captured and havin’ to be bailed out by Shintaro. Even better are the times when seven year old Shusaku (Shintaro’s ‘Robin’) pulls his hash outta the fire. Still, not only does Tonbei survive all nine seasons, but the actor playin’ him was even in the color relaunch of the series in the 70’s as another ninja. Which just goes to show it’s better to be lucky than good, and the Brickster’s livin’ proof of that.
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 2:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
My pal and fellow forum member Tatsu loves the computer game Total War: Shogun 2 more than’s really healthy. So much so that he enters every online contest he sees tryin’ to win promo prizes. He never gets any of these, but he did rack up an impressive supply of copies of the game as consolation prizes. And since we’re practically family, one of those free copies made it into my collection. Now, while everyone else plays this game and glories in the detailed tactical battle mode and satiatin’ their feelin’s of inadequacy by conquerin’ a virtual Sengoku era Japan, the Brickster approached things just a bit diff’rently. I set out simply to make the Sengoku a better place-and what better way than buildin’ temples that produced warrior nuns, big castles run by busty assertive women, a red light district, and the most elaborate sake den possible in each and ev’ry province? A land filled with cute gals and grog is a happy land. It seemed to work, since my daimyo acquired the traits “An Eye For The Ladies” and “Womanizer” after he failed to leave the castle town or engage in battle for several (dozen) seasons, preferin’ to let the grunts do the dirty work. And no, I ain’t makin’ that up-they’re actual titles the game will award you with at some point if ya play yer cards right. I also produced some Warhorse Stud stables to produce some good ponies fer the racetrack along with Gamblin’ Halls ta bet on ‘em, an Arsenal so’s I could get Fire Rocket troops fer nightly fireworks displays, Laquerware Workshops fer the best in drinkin’ utensils, a Smugglin’ Network to score cool stuff from smelly Westerners, a Burakumin Village (since someone has to do some actual work), and a Great Shrine so Koyori and her Shrine Maidens wouldn’t feel left out. And just to watch a truly epic battle, I built a Pirate Fortress and a Ninja Fortress within’ shoutin’ distance of each other. And yeah, these are all real buildin’s in-game.

That ain’t ta say I never engaged in battle-since everyone knows it’s the navy that always wins wars, I built a huge fleet that doubled as my personal cruise line. We even had a ‘Blackthorne moment’ when we bushwhacked the evil Jesuit’s Black Ship and captured it. Likewise, just so no god-cursed Sodomite Westerners would intrude on my good time, we mercilessly wiped Christianity off the map, used the wood from their churches to build hoorhouses, and fed their wussy missionaries to my hordes of demon-masked ninja.

One of the perks of producin’ the most elaborate Sake Den (the infamous Mizu Shobai district) also gives birth to that most notorious of Shogun agents-the Geisha. Now, the Brickster had visions of this paragon of Japanese womanhood takin’ good care of his junior daimyo, if ya know what I mean.



But what I got instead wuz nothin’ short of the female version of the Terminator. This chick is RUTHLESS! She never cracks a smile or utters a single word. For a novice Geisha, any general or enemy agent she decides to attack is a dead man-it’s as simple as that. And once she’s leveled to max, she’s an unstoppable killin’ machine that will slaughter any enemy agent that tries to take her down. My Geisha daintily shuffled into Odawara Castle, took out the Hojo’s max ranked daimyo, and killed six of the seven ninja, monks, and metsuke the Hojo immediately sent out to assassinate her. The other one was simply wounded and taken out of play for a year. Much like it takes a Terminator to kill a Terminator, it appears the only way to take down a Geisha is to use one of yer own. Whoever put together the movie ‘Robogeisha’ musta had this game in mind. It’s a good thing that unlike the original game, you can only recruit one of these babes at a time and she can be attacked by any enemy agent dumb enough to try. But in the unlikely event she’s destroyed, just like the Terminator, you can send out another…and another…and another.

I’m jus’ hopin’ that she doesn’t decide to go all Skynet on me and turn her wrath homewards. Normally that kind of approach is triggered in cybernetic women by computer malfunctions or flings with bar hostesses, neither of which existed in Sengoku Japan, so I oughta be safe. Just don’t dare tell her that a Geisha’s an anachronism in the Sengoku. It’ll get ugly.
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 5:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
As the Brickster revealed a few months back (see the Monogatari entries for November 8, 2010 and May 2, 2011), Mito Komon, beloved star of the long-runnin' jidaigeki series of the same name, not only broke heads and took names of evildoers in Japan but also brought his brand of tough sammyrai love to the good ol' USA-not to mention impartin' a certain finger-lickin' good sekrit recipe while he wuz hangin' out swappin' recipes at Churchill Downs and layin' down some good Tokugawa Ryo on the ponies. And if that ain't a run-on sentence, the Brickster's a Chinese jet pilot. Anyhoo, I was under the impression the old coot was long in his grave, and he only lived on in his various cinematic representations.

But that was until I visited Shibuya last weekend scoutin' locations fer some 'guerrilla filmmakin', since we can't afford to pay fer real location shootin' in Tokyo. And no matter WHAT some asshat or several women of loose morals lookin' fer a payday mighta told Koyori, one of the locations WASN'T Love Hotel Hill, and even if it was, I musta got lost on my way to this masquerade party and was helped out by a street gang of shrine maiden toughs with hearts of gold. Happens alla time. Now, where, was I? Oh yeah-Mito Komon.

It turns out that Mito Komon still patrols the mean streets of New Edo (or as the residents like to call it, Tokyo) and has updated his look to keep in step with the times. That spiky hair, body armor, and big floppy clown shoes (along with that 'Keinikubaketsu' tsuba on his kustom katana) are a sure-fire way to score with all the chicks that swoon over metrosexual anime and manga pretty boys. But with new times come new challenges-Mito Komon's met his biggest challenge yet. I came across this tableau and had the presence of mind to snap a pic with my cell.



That's right-Ronald the Ronin's in town and lookin' to put an end to the last of those mean ol' rotten Tokugawa that made ronin miserable by turnin' 'em outta cushy no-work positions-and-SHUDDER-expectin' 'em to go get real jobs. Although from the looks of the gold fittin's on Ronald's sword, he ain't been doin' so bad-musta cut down village headman Makuchizu and looted the town. Mito Komon looks like he expects to have it his way, though-wonder if he realizes Ronald's got that sizzlin' skewer hidden behind his back. And Ronald-well, he's finally got his chance for revenge and he's LOVIN' IT!

I'd like to tell ya who came out on top, but about that time I spotted a guy that looked like a wiry psycho yakuza loan shark enforcer (or he mighta just been Kitsuno) so I figgered it was a good time to go. I didn't find any useful shootin' locations that day, but I did get a great idea fer my next classic film.



I'm sure you've all watched a scene in a chanbara film where the bad guy (and sometimes even the good guy) will undress a woman with one slick move by pullin' on her obi, spinnin' her around like a top, and then havin' her clothes fall off once the obi's played out. The Brickster does it at least once in every movie, even if it's set in modern day Japan. But did you know that little trick is referred to as "ozashiki-asobi"? Ozashiki-asobi usually refers to a get-together with geiko or maiko and the silly party games they engage in, but can also specifically refer to this particular crowd pleaser.



There's also an underground competition for ozashiki-asobi supremacy among Japanese men, and selected gaijin who have proven worthy of the honor like me. It's kinda like 'Fight Club', except the part of bein' beaten to a pulp is omitted. Instead, you get to liquor up a girl, take a pull at her obi, and see if three cherries come up. Scorin' is based on...well, scorin'. If you can't get the gal nekkid on the first spin, obviously you get a big, fat zero. There's some 'stiff' competition, especially after the gal's clothes fall off, but so far the Brickster's managed to keep a perfect record. This is probably due to my special 'Shogun Tornado' finishin' move, where the gal's obi is pulled so quickly at times they've been known to hit escape velocity and spiral several feet off the ground. Or it might just be that if another guy can beat my best time, his gal almost always leaves with me anyway. In either case, it's good bein' the King.


Anyone who's ever read a book of Japanese ghost stories or watched televised anthologies of 'em on J-TV is probably familiar with the 'dish-breaking ghost', Okiku. The story is called Banchou Sarayashiki, and Okiku's a servant to a samurai lord. The family has a set of ten heirloom dishes, and Okiku's entrusted with them-if any of the plates are lost or broken, the servant responsible is punished with death. Dependin' on the version (and these are just two of many), she either is framed by her lord when he hides a plate to blackmail her into sleepin' with him, or she loves the schmuck and tests his love by deliberately breakin' the plate. In both cases, the pissed off lord ends up pushin' her down the well. That's when the cool part starts. Her vengeful spirit goes climbin' up the well at night, and in a croakin' voice countin' out from one to nine as she climbs. Woe be to anyone caught loiterin' around the top when she gets there-it's worse than tryin' to sneak into my house when I've been out at 3 AM.



But even kewler is that the Brickster just recently discovered Okiku really existed! And yeah, I got the photos ta prove it! The well where she met her demise is inside the grounds of Himeji Castle, right in front (and a level down) of the Honmaru containin' the castle keep. You can see it's clearly marked on the memorial stone in front of the well, and just to keep tourists who don't read Japanese safe, they've put metal bars and fencin' to seal it off. I mean, "DUMBASS FOREIGNER DRAGGED INTO WELL BY ONRYO" might do wonders fer sellin' papers and juicin' TV ratin's, but might upset the tourist industry. Still, you kinda get that feelin' that you do when you watch that drowned chick crawl outta the well in Ringu when you stand next to it. Ko told me she felt the icy hand of death ticklin' her spine when we were there, but that was just me tryin' ta grope her butt after throwin' down a frosty cold one.
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2011 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote


If you've been followin' along with the Brickster on McBurly Monogatari (and if ya ain't, why the heck not?), you'll know that "Gone With Hideyoshi" and "Hideyoshi FREEEEEZE!" are two of his fav'rit smart phone games. These games, which first feature the heroic Taiko blowin' alien flyin' saucers outta the sky as they attempt to abduct the populace of Osaka and later show him turnin' the invaders into popsicles as they infiltrate Osaka Castle detail this little known incident, one of the few involvin' space aliens and Japan the History Channel ain't got its mitts on. Yet. Anyhoo, the newest entry in the series has been released. In this one, the aliens have managed to make it all the way to Hideyoshi's throne room in Osaka Castle. It's time for the final showdown! An' bein' Japanese, there's only one way for Hideyoshi to solve things-and that's by playin' rock, paper, scissors over a nice cup'a cha. Welcome to Hideyoshi Pon! Now, you might think the object of the game is to beat the two aliens and send them runnin' home cryin' to mama. But not so! You need to deliberately lose to the friendlier small alien to make him feel good about hisself, and beat the crap outta the bored, arrogant bigger alien. The aliens, bein' new to this brand of warfare, can always be relied upon to throw down their choice before you do, givin' you several seconds to choose what weapon yer talkin' fist puppet will wield. You just have to be certain that yer winnin' and losin' to the right one, and as they get more used ta things, you'll have less time to make up yer mind before they catch on that yer cheatin'.

Now, what ya might NOT know about the game is that it's a thinly veiled reference to the Bunroku/Keicho no Eki. For thosea youse that ain't the expert on J-history that the Brickster is, those were the Japanese invasions of Korea in the 1590's that Hideyoshi mounted, bringin' in the sorry-ass Ming Chinese on the side of the Koreans. I hear many Westerners who have been influenced by the tripe churned out by Admiral Yi lovin' Korean nationalists call it the Imjin War. In any case, it's obvious Hideyoshi Pon! is meant to simulate the peace talks between the three. Obviously, the shrimpy dumb alien is meant to be Korea-as long as you make him feel good about himself by throwin' the game, he'll be yer pal. The big, disinterested, and even dumber alien that got dragged into the mess by the little one is meant ta be Ming China, or maybe just their evil avatar Kenny Swope. They need ta have the arrogance drained outta them, even if they'll report back to the Wan-li Emperor (or Planet X) that they achieved a glorious victory-never mind the fact the army is missin' and they're back in China instead of Korea. At any rate, with the fate of Japan restin' on ev'ry throw, it's both suspenseful and every bit as accurate as Stephen Turnbull's upcomin' 47 Ronin book. And it's FREE, so get it now.
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 2:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
The news from the Brickster's camp just keeps gettin' better and better! Not only has "Udon Man" (my unofficial sequel to "Ramen Girl") gotten the green light, but The Studio has even decided to release it as part of an ALL-BRICKSTER double feature! OK, granted, they expect to pay me once fer actin' in both, but with the brutal yen-dollar exchange rate, I figgur I'm comin' out ahead anyway.

So what's this sure-to-be-classic gonna be? Well, it's a bit of a departure for the Brtickster-it's based on a famous work of Japanese literature. You've all heard of Sei Shonagon, right? She's that feisty history grrrllll from the tenth and eleventh century who was a Court Lady to Empress Teishi. She wrote the epic "Makura No Soshi", or as it's known in the West, "The Pillow Book of Sei Shonagon". It's one of the most important works of the era, givin' historians a look into the daily life and traditions of the Imperial Court, along with the poetry and religious conventions of the day-you know, stuff that nobody really gives a rat's ass about but that sure make you look like you're smart.

Now, for all its fame, that ain't to say that El Brickatore's unique approach can't improve it! You just KNOW that there was all kinds of stuff left out. After all, no less a personage than Arthur Waley has labeled Sei a 'courtesan'-so you know that bedroom antics woulda been a big part of the original unexpurgated version of Makura No Soshi, not the watered down version that's filtered down to the 21st century (the Brickster bein' a victim of this sorta thing hisself after havin' his promo declared TOO HOT fer the SA Podcast). And the Brickster bein' the history buff that he is, he's acquired an ORIGINAL COPY of this epic-or at least a transcribed verison of the original, which is held by a HIGHLY PLACED MEMBER of the SA whose name I can't divulge. And the original title shows just how different the book originally was-Heian publishers early on changed it to the mundane current "Makura no Soshi" from what Sei Shonagon had originally intended it to be. But our film will be restorin' it-so as you can see from the promo poster, make sure you keep yer eyes open for "Makura no Seishi"! You know that Sei would approve.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 7:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Most ev'ryone that has an interest in chanbara and jidaigeki films usually watches their share of HK kung fu classics as well. And if ya have, you'll likely be familiar with the lurkin' horror of Ric Meyers, self professed kahuna of kung-fu film 'experts'. Meyers has incurred the Brickster's wrath fer his occasional intrusions into Japanese cinema-turf that rightfully belongs to people who know more than his ignorant backside, like Pat Galloway, Stuart Galbraith IV, yers truly (natch), and the Easter Bunny. Thankfully, fer the most part, he's confined his assclownery to Chinese/HK cinema. Puttin' the damage Meyers has done to that genre in perspective that we understand, he's been even worse than the triad of ignorant, obnoxious, and sexist cretins that turned the Ninja Dojo forum into an abandoned toxic wasteland.

Well, recently 'Venoms 5' of the "Cool Ass Cinema" website has put paid to the legend of Ric in a big way-a seven part series devoted to "The Tao of Ric: True Lies & A Fistful of Meyerisms". Well, more than a fistful-there's examples of over TWO HUNDRED cases where the big buffoon has put his foot in his mouth, screwed up basic film history, or pursued a personal vendetta against someone in the kung-fu film industry. And that two hundred is no doubt just the tip of the iceberg. Rarely has an assclown been so thoroughly deconstructed and exposed as a fraud. Not to mention the whole series is accompanied by some of the funniest damn photos and captions you'll ever see.

Anyhoo, part six is out and focuses on Ric's crimes against Japanese cinema, and you kin take a look HERE. Not only will ya see Venoms 5's masterful take on things, but also the Brickster's brilliant insights inta the matter. And hey, there's even a bit of lemony goodness in there as well! Venom 5 seems like a helluva guy-why, anyone that refers to the Brickster as the "Daimyo of Japanese sword slinging cinema" is most deservin' of yer respect. Hell, I might even hafta buy him a frosty cold one some day-who'da ever thunk that? Certainly not the hundreds of people I've stuck with the tab. Anyway, go check it out, and be grateful that Meyers rarely treads on the hallowed ground of J-cinema.
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Brick McBurly
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Location: 東映太秦映画村

PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


And if THAT ain't enuff..."The He-in Era" (title subject to change once Koyori gets wind of it), the first installment of "Brick McBurly Romances", is comin' yer way on the Kindle. Hell yes, it is.
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Brick McBurly
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Location: 東映太秦映画村

PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2013 11:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Yeah, yeah, I know. "Brick, it's been over a full year between posts! What the hell's wrong with you, you good-for nothing slacker?" Except for the part about the posts, Koyori's rant from last night could apply to all my lovin' readers. What can I say? First there was the animator's strike at the studio that screwed my new cartoon series. Then we got kicked out of the government buildin' we were shootin' my new ninja series in. Crissakes, they actually wanted us to get permission first! That never happens on Ninja: The Mission Force. Then the studio farmed me out to the Japanese version of History Channel and had me doin' live American Civil War re-anactments for six months (or as they call it in Japan, "The War Of Southern Pacification"). My turn as wacky Union General Benjamin "Spoons" Butler was met with universal acclaim from the Japanese troops in blue under my command. Hey, it's historically accurate-the Union army was fueled largely by immigrants, and who's to say it wasn't truckloads of Japanese samurai displaced by the oncomin' chaos of the Meiji Restoration? Who needs cavalry sabres when our badass boys in blue had sammyrai swords? Then there was the Brickster's super sekrit infestation of the yakuza hierarchy in the service of Uncle Sam (tryin' ta work off them back taxes I forgot all about was more...tryin' than I anticipated). Although I guess it ain't so super sekrit anymore.

Here's a few still shots from the set of the pilot "Teh Sneaky Gaijin Ninja", the Brickster's stillborn ninja series. Set in a future totally screwed up by his antics in three seasons of Abarenbo Gaijin, it follows the Brickster and Ko as they attempt to repair the damage the Brickster's meddlin' caused to a post-kawaii era Japan:





Anyhoo, the Brickster will try to be a bit more dependable this year in connectin' with all his pals. Even you bitter ones who were hopin' I'd disappeared fer good.
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Brick McBurly
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Location: 東映太秦映画村

PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 3:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Brick McBurly wrote:
Hey, it's historically accurate-the Union army was fueled largely by immigrants, and who's to say it wasn't truckloads of Japanese samurai displaced by the oncomin' chaos of the Meiji Restoration? Who needs cavalry sabres when our badass boys in blue had sammyrai swords?



And if ya needed any more proof o'that...


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