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The Brickster's Yashiki (ブリックスターの屋敷)
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Brick McBurly
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 11:22 am    Post subject: The Brickster's Yashiki (ブリックスターの屋敷) Reply with quote


We'll be using this topic ta keep you posted on all the newest involvin' the Brickster. Right now, brickmcburly.com is movin' right along with a regularly updated blargh and a poster gallery comin' soon.
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 3:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Well, with a nip in the air, the sound of Christmas carols driftin' on the wind, and snow blanketin' the countryside, the holidays seem to be upon us. Christmas trees are bein' decorated, Santa's checkin' his naughty list (hey, that wasn't me!), and Christmas elves do their celebratory dance. Here in Japan folks are cleanin' their homes, gettin' the New Year's cards prepped, and the gals are breakin' out the sexy kimono. And whether you and yours are celebratin' New Years, Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanto, the Brickster knows there's just one question on everyone's mind...

"WHEN THE HECK WILL BRICKMCBURLY.COM BE ONLINE?"

Well, wait no more! It's the Brickster's Christmas gift to all of you great folks (and it saved me enough gift-buyin' money to buy Koyori that special antique Kamakura era naginata that Chinese dealer was sellin' on eBay-the best 30 bucks I ever spent). The offical website of Brick McBurly, Jidai-Geki Legend And Chick Magnet, is now up and running fer yer Edo-fication. It's all here! Check out a retrospective of the Brickster's career from the early days to the present. See who's who in Abarenbo Gaijin. Tag along with the Brickster as he takes you on a tour of scenic Kyoto. Puzzle out our mystery photos. Read about obscure film classics. Get a tear in your eye as you view our touchin' tribute to Musashi and Ryoma. Read the Brickster's Blargh as he takes you onto the set and into the dressin' rooms of the cutest gals in Japanese filmdom. You can even send the Brickster yer bouquets and brickbats. It's all lovin'ly hand-crafted by the Brickster just fer you, and contains no carbs, cholesterol, or fat. What better gift could ya want? Yes, Virginia, there IS a brickmcburly.com and you can see it here:

http://www.brickmcburly.com

And while yer there, don't forget to buy my shirts. I still wanna get Koyori that 'Tomoe Gozen' lingerie set to go with that nagainata...
Happy Holidays from yer pal, Brick McBurly!
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 4:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Spiff up your wardrobe with the release of three spankin' new Brick McBurly T-shirts! First up are the two models of the "Brick McBurly/Abarenbo Gaijin" Tee, featuring the official logo of the show in red on a bitchin' black Tee (cause no real man wears a white one, ya know). These are the same high quality T's worn by the cast and crew of the hit Jidai Geki series, and are an SA Store exclusive here in the USA. Next, there's the "McBurly For President" Tee, in patriotic Red, White, and Blue on a black Tee. Hey, ain't it about time we had a man of the people screwin' things up in the White House? If you think Clinton had sex scandals and Bush is hard headed, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

Each Brick McBurly Tee is painstakin'ly handcrafted by starving ronin, who have been reduced to doin' humiliatin' piecework by those rotten Tokugawa. Well, actually, the Tokugawa ain't bad people once you get to know them. Most starvin' ronin are just Edo period versions of bums and hoboes. Or they're just flat out lame like that big goof Musashi. Yeah, I kicked his butt. Anyhow...

Guys, show yakuza punks, bill collectors, and unwashed two-sword ronin that you ain't someone to be trifled with-and ya just KNOW they're a garn-teed chick magnet to boot! It's a little known historical fact that Hideyoshi wore a Brick McBurly Tee the whole time he was unifyin' Japan and sleepin' with dozens of beautiful women! And ya know that if Lord Kira's Brick McBurly Tee hadn't been gettin' warshed that night, those nasty 47 Ronin wouldn't have dared messed with him.


Gals, show your true spirit and join the ranks of the Bricquettes-not to mention keeping the Brickster near and dear to yer heavin' bosoms!
But don't just take the Brickster's soft sell for it-listen to some of our satisfied customers!

"I was wearing a prototype Brick-Tee while exploring the friendly confines of Yasaka Shrine in Kyoto when suddenly I was swarmed by throngs of adoring shrine maidens, eager to commune with the mighty spirit of the Brickster by touching the shirt. It was a very touching experience that added a whole new dimension to the meaning of the 'friendly confines'� of Yasaka Shrine.-Obenjo Kusanosuke, Friend of Brick and also a creditor (Brick owes him JPY 25,000 from their last 'tea� party')

"Rules the empire by force."-Oda Nobunaga, Japanese Warlord

"Buy a Brick-Tee and he'll donate 2 whole Japanese yen to the Save the Hikonyan foundation. The Hikonyan is an endangered species because of 'hate hunting'� by bad people like Obenjo Kusanosuke and Tony Bryant. So, be a champ and buy a Brick-Tee. Brick's a real standout guy, and wearing his T-shirt will make you stand out too, in a truly spiritual way and no blue pill is needed! I feel like a million bucks when I wear one. So much so, I feel I can whip Michael Caine's wrinkled ass anytime, anywhere."-Stephen Seagull (Actor, Musician, Environmentalist, Animal Rights Activists, All-around Has-Been)

"Me and the boys of the Shinsengumi have a propensity to kick Loyalist wussy butt when we're wearing our Brick McBurly Tees! They also give us the confidence to endure the unendurable-the brickbats of LtDomer. And boy, do we ooze machismo doing it. That's an important concern for us."-Kondo Isami, Bureau Chief

"This isn't over! I'll get you for this!"-Miyamoto Musashi, overrated clown

"Before I wore a Brick-Tee, I was a nothing. Now that I have one, I am a somebody. When wearing a Brick-Tee, even Sugar Ray couldn't knock me down. He really couldn't. You hear that, Ray? You can't knock me down, Ray. You can't knock me down, Ray."-Former Heavyweight Boxing Champion Jake "Raging Bull" LaMotta

"Brick, are you bothering people with your silliness again?"-Koyori McBurly, costar of Abarenbo Gaijin


But best of all, every cent of profit goes towards makin' the Samurai Archives the historical haven it is. So get them mice skitterin' and go to:

http://www.cafepress.com/samuraiarchives.183141841
http://www.cafepress.com/samuraiarchives.183141842
http://www.cafepress.com/samuraiarchives.183141840
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 3:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hey guys, it's now gettin' into late January and Valentines Day is just around the corner. Love is in the air, and who knows more about the affairs of the heart than yers truly?
Keepin' that in mind, we're pleased to announce the upcomin' release of the Brick McBurly Romances For REAL Men series. Although the official release isn't for another week or so, you can read about them at

http://www.brickmcburly.com

Just click on the front page link.
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Today was the Brickster's birthday, and Koyori was pawin' through a box of his old photos and came across these gems that cracked her up. Thought I'd post 'em here...


A much younger Brickster wonders just how pissed Batman will be if he takes off with the '66 Batmobile.


Batman, bein' a good sport an' all, decides to let him off with a stern lecture and releases him in the custody of a hot babe.

Now, you might wonder...what does this have to do with samurai films? Well, ya know, Batman has fought all kinds of ninjer both in the comics and on the big screen-not to mention that Samurai dude (Eto Toshio, master of 'Kaze no Yō ni Hayaku') was in the Galactic Guardians along with Bats. And the post Barbara Gordon Batgirl is Japanese, too, or close enough:


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 3:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
One of our fellow board members filled me in on a grievous ommission the Brickster made the other day concernin' Batman's link to the samurai. It's so obvious, I can't believe I missed it-'specially since I have two of the little buggers-SAMURAI BATMAN!


In both 'Purple Passion' and 'Rasberry Red'.

Form the back: "The legendary figure of Batman existed in ancient Japan as Samurai Batman, a brave and strong warrior who pitted his skills against the evil warlords, or daimyo (not in ancient Japan, he didn't). Armed with his powerful, slashing no-dachi sword and protected by a customized samurai armor costume, Samurai Batman swept across the countryside, cutting down villainy and protecting villagers at every turn (sounds like one of WT's 'Noble Ronin' flicks-I bet in his sekrit identity he unwittingly made piecework umbrellas for his evil foe ペンギン). On the battlefield, Samurai Batman could always be identified by his hata-jirushi banner, which streamed behind him in every conflict, striking fear into the hearts of his opponents."

Never mind that Samurai Batman's wearin' armor that looks like Ming Chinese gear-and so for that matter does his battle flag. No doubt it's a clever ruse to trick his enemies inta thinkin' he's gettin' ready to run off, as the Ming were wont to do when confronted with Japanese.
Does have an absolutely badass tetsubo, though, and his utility obi probably has a cool assortment of throwin' stars and caltrops.
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 4:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Koyori decided that the Brickster needed to come clean about just HOW MUCH of a great guy Batman really is. As you'll recall, a post or so ago the Brickster was goin' for a spin in the '66 Batmobile. Well, with that nuclear powered engine an all, I got kinda carried away and the next thing ya know...this happens...



But 'ol Bats just shrugged it off and said, "Hell, it happens to me all the time. It was time to trade up anyway". He even got Alfred to come out with a flatbed to clean up the mess!



The member of the tow crew backin' the truck up looks like Robin (the Chris O'Donnell version). You think he'd be wearin' a mask or somethin'. So anyway, hats off to the Dark Knight fer bein' such a wise and understandin' pal!

OK, I promise...no more Batman posts.
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Abarenbo Gaijin Season 2

Well, it’s been a year to the day since my pal Tatsu spilled the beans on Abarenbo Gaijin and touched off McBurlymania (such as it is…Daily Yamazaki named a sammich after me, anyway). So it’s only fittin’ that we use this occasion to unveil the lineup for Abarenbo Gaijin: Season Two! This year the show moves even further back in history (over a thousand years!), has more guest stars, more fightin’, more gorgeous babes, and more importantly, bigger paychecks for the stars.
All of yer fav’rits from season one are back-
1) Yers truly, the Brickster-transported through time in Season One by an arcane Shingon Buddhist scroll found inside a statue of Prince Shotoku, he’s still tryin’ to find a way back. I ain’t the smartest, strongest, or most skilled guy around-but I am one of the craftiest.
2) Warrior Maiden Koyori (Koyori McBurly)-still lookin’ fine and the most capable fighter around, Koyori has vowed to defend the Brickster with the last breath from her…large…heavin’…bosom….oh yeah…ummm, anyway, Koyori’s band of Shrine Maidens will continue to be a pool of the best in dispensable Japanese idols on a week to week basis.
3) Brick’s sidekick and steadfast pal, the famed Onmyoji, Abe No Seimei (Nomura Mansai)-the reason they’re STILL lookin’ for a way back, Seimei continues to botch every sure fire method Brick composes for returnin’ everyone to their proper time. But he’s a dependable buddy for a 吉宴.

After the Brickster polished off Musashi and his Mama at the end of season one, he needed a new weekly foil-this year, it’s gonna be the famous Japanese God/Warrior/Hellraiser Susa-no-o. Right now, the plan is to cast famous emo GACKT after his eye openin’ performance as Uesugi Kenshin in ‘Furinkazan’. Which brings us to the official press release containin’ the episodes for this season-13 one hour episodes with a two hour season endin’ movie.

Abarenbo Gaijin Press Release-Season 2 Episodes wrote:

1) O, Susa-no!-McBurly and his entourage find themselves back in the earliest days of Japan after Seimei’s latest attempt at controlled time travel goes bad (again). Brick has his pizza-man stolen by the legendary eight headed serpent, Orochi, and in the process of kicking the scaly beast’s hide and recovering his dinner comes into possession of the fabled ‘grass cutting sword’, Kusanagi. This doesn’t sit well with the man-god Susa-no-o, who sees the sword as his provenance (see the exclusive script excerpt after the episode list).

2) Onerymyoji-Seimei gets a swelled head when the group finds itself involved with the Imperial Court during the Heian era. Now back in his own time, Seimei basks in the adulation of the court amid exaggerated tales of his exploits. Brick and Koyori find themselves forced to become his menial vassals in order to escape execution as Yokai, and the duo plot to bring Seimei back to his lovable drunken self.

3) Genpein-the lovely courtesan Shizuka does a headlong fall for Brick, which doesn’t sit well with her erstwhile patron, Minamoto No Yoshitsune. To make matters worse, warrior monk Benkei develops an infatuation with Seimei. Yoshitsune decides to kill two birds with one stone and sets off after Brick’s band. As the Brickster hightails it down a hill with Shizuka in tow, Yoshitsune follows them down and inadvertently finds fame as he emerges in the middle of the Taira camp at Ichinotani.
4) Dimyo-Takeda Shingen cons Brick into acting as his double after he hears about an assassination plot being hatched by Tokugawa Ieyasu. While the wily Tiger Of Kai smugly congratulates himself, he’s in for a rude awakening when his female bodyguards (led by Lady Kae) take a liking to Brick and finger the real Shingen for Ieyasu’s hit squad.

5) Snitchokoki-Ota Gyuichi makes off with Brick’s copy of “The Samurai Sourcebook”. He uses the book as a guide to advising his lord, Oda Nobunaga, on what actions to take and which to avoid in his efforts to unite the country. Brick, realizing that this is, after all, a Turnbull book, knows that following that course will be fraught with unexpected danger for Nobunaga.

6) Kiyomasa’s Great Korean Pussy Hunt (with a script based on a story by the SA’s own Obenjo Kusanosuke)-Brick attempts to prevent Kato Kiyomasa’s captive, a beautiful Korean Princess, from being ripped in half by enticing the hot-headed killer Kiyomasa to join him on a tiger hunt. Seimei and Koyori don a tiger suit and succeed in luring the rather dull Kiyomasa away. However, the ploy backfires when a real tiger takes a shining to the ersatz feline. Brick must face the quandary of rescuing both the Princess and his two friends.

7) Kellogg’s Pope Tarts-When corrupt Jesuit Heinrich Kellogg (played by special guest star Stephen Seagull) attempts to smuggle Japanese prostitutes out of Japan and to the Vatican, he does so by disguising them as Catholic Nuns. By posing as a European falconry instructor, the Brickster enlists the aid of Shogun Tokugawa Ieyasu and gains entrance to the Black Ship as a Shogunal envoy. Brick decides it’s time to ‘get into the habit’ of saving these girls from a fate worse than death, setting them free to whore themselves out where they belong.

8 ) Stiff Competition-back from Season One, former Christian rebel and necromancer Amakusa Shiro returns from the grave to wreak vengeance on Brick. He does so by entrancing Koyori, turning her to his cause and using her against Brick. Faced with the choice of dying at her hands or being forced to slay her, Brick struggles to find a way out of this impossible situation.

9) The Mongrel Invasion-Brick manages to finagle himself into Shogun Tokugawa Tsunayoshi’s good graces, and is appointed to the highest office in the Bakufu. Unfortunately for him, this turns out to be Keeper Of the Shogunate Kennels. When evil minister Yanagisawa Yoshiyasu turns loose a horde of rabid animals in Edo in an effort to discredit Brick, Keeper McBurly must swallow his pride and enlist the aid of that pesky sawed off runt, Corky The Wonder Dog, to identify the mastermind.
10) Wild Kingdom-Brick finds a kindred spirit in the Lord Of Ako, the drunken lecher Lord Asano Naganori. Asano’s ‘Neverland’ castle and ‘anything goes’ fief makes the Yoshiwara district look like the Vatican on Easter Sunday. The friendship proves to be short lived after Asano, losing at ‘Truth Or Dare’ during a drinking bout, takes up the double-dog dare (well, it IS during Tsunayoshi’s reign) of drawing his sword in Edo castle.

11) The Wolf Of Mibu-wanting to gift Koyori on her birthday and thinking he is enrolling her in a local dojo, Brick mistakenly enlists in the Shinsengumi. Hilarity ensues when the other members discover that Brick actually likes women, marking him for death.

12) Face Off-the Brickster displays the true scope of his acting range in this episode, playing four additional roles co-opted from his most popular films-the drunken womanizer Gyonyo (from the TV series ‘The Mountain Aesthetic’), the drunken womanizer Kuraku’d Tengu (from the TV special ‘Kuraku’d Tengu), the drunken womanizer Karuza Toma (from the film ‘The Lust Samurai’), and the drunken womanizer Orugasuma Eito (from the mega-hit film ‘Shogun Sexecutioner’). Trouble brews when the Evil Teamaster, Sen No Nagaeyari (from the TV series ‘The Bitter Teamaster’, where Brick played his nemesis Sam Adams), contrives to have all five of his enemies wander into Kyoto at the same time. When there isn’t enough sake or geisha to go around, a turf war erupts amongst the five.

13) Kofun Nails-One of Susa-no-o’s schemes finally works and Brick is trapped inside a kofun, where he finds an angry Amaterasu (who has been hiding out inside since being ‘loved and left’ by the Brickster in episode one). Brick must not only survive the wrath of the jilted living Goddess, but also entice her to the outside world and bring light back to Japan. And after that, there’s the matter of the man-god Susa-no-o awaiting his turn for a showdown….


And since my weapon of choice, the sawed off boat oar “Painless”, was destroyed in the season endin’ fight with Musahi’s Mama (and because the guys in merchandisin’ insisted), this year the Brickster will be usin’ the famous grass-cuttin’ sword, Kusanagi, as his weapon-as seen in this Episode One script excerpt:

Abarenbo Gaijin Episode One Script wrote:

The man-god SUSA-NO-O cuts an imposing yet bizarre figure. He towers over BRICK and his body crackles with plasmatic energy. With a visage straight out of a kabuki play and clad only in a loincloth, SUSA-NO-O speaks in an unholy echoing voice.

SUSA-NO-O
“Worm! What makes you think you are fit to be the bearer of that blade? Surely you do not believe that the kami find you worthy of such an honor?”

BRICK waves the sword around in a casual and distracted manner.
“Well, after all, I DID pull it out of that giant snake’s butt. That kinda makes me the chosen one, don’t it? It’s like King Arthur and the Sword In The Stone, except it’s a reptile crack instead.”

Cut to tight shot of SUSA-NO-O, whose visage is a strange mixture of red faced rage and confusion over Brick’s babblings.

SUSA-NO-O
“I know nothing of this Arthur King. I do know that sword is meant to be the carrier of my destiny and the cornerstone of the glorious Imperial Family. Surrender it now, and I promise you your death will be a swift and painless one.”

BRICK (off-camera)
“Since ya asked so nicely-sure, pal, whatever you say.”

SUSA-NO-O’s face calms somewhat and settles into a look of arrogant satisfaction. This is short lived as BRICK’s pizza-man comes flying in from offscreen and smacks SUSA-NO-O in the kisser, sliding off and leaving a trail of doughy Orochi slime in its wake. SUSA-NO-O opens his mouth to level a stream of invectives at BRICK, but before he can, Kusanagi appears from top right center and begins to beat a tattoo on his head using the flat of its blade. SUSA-NO-O’s eyes cross-he raises a finger as if to make a point, but then the man-god slowly begins to crumble and he falls directly towards the camera and out of frame, with a loud crash.

Cut to medium shot of BRICK, who looks at Kusanagi and regards his new toy lovingly. He then plants the sword in the ground (sending sword collectors around the world into a tizzy) and slowly circles the prone SUSA-NO-O.

BRICK
“Now THAT’S what I call makin’ an impact on history. Whassa matter, pal, can’t ya handle yer liquor? It’s really sad when a livin’ legend turns out ta be nothin’ but another two bit jabrone.”
BRICK stops and an evil smirk crosses his face. He helps up the woozy SUSA-NO-O and begins to dust him off and fuss over him. The camera begins to tighten on Brick, who suddenly grabs the back of SUSA-NO-O’s loincloth.

Cut to torso shot of BRICK (SUSA-NO-O out of shot). BRICK looks at the camera, grins, and yanks upwards as hard as he can. There’s a sound of tearing cloth and bursting melons, along with a scream that would shatter every pane of glass within a mile (if there were any-it is ancient Japan, after all). The scream trails off into silence, followed by another loud crash. Brick dusts his hands together and walks out of frame.

Cut to medium shot of Kusanagi, with KOYORI standing by looking aghast. BRICK enters from bottom left frame and walks diagonally across screen away from the camera. He pulls Kusanagi from the ground and takes KOYORI by the arm. BRICK and KOYORI walk off camera. There is silence and the sound of cicadas. BRICK then walks back onscreen.

BRICK
“And by the way-I did your sister, too.”

BRICK turns around and walks off camera-again. The camera lingers on the void as KOYORI'S and BRICK'S voices slowly fade away.

KOYORI
“Brick, I think it was extremely foolish of you to antagonize such a formidable foe.”

BRICK
“Aw, the clown had it comin’. Did you see him checkin’ out yer butt? I’m just protectin’ yer honor as a woman. I could tell he was sayin’ to hisself, ‘Wow, does that chick have a fat butt.’”.

KOYORI (shocked)
“No! Do you think so? Is my butt truly fat?”

BRICK
“Well, I’ll never know unless I have a look….hmmmmm….OUCH! HEY!”

KOYORI (angry)
“The road to the Western Paradise will never open until you learn to control your impulsive behavior. And, you really are quite stupid.”

BRICK
“Y’know, Ko, you are the wind beneath my wings. Considerin’ how fat your butt is an’ all.”

FADE TO BLACK AS THEIR VOICES CARRY OUT OF EARSHOT.




As you can see, we’re goin’ fer a more polished and classy tone this season. Anyway, stay glued to your set and BEG yer cable operator to carry the Samurai Action Package!
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
The Brickster investigates a sex club and runs afoul of corporate ninja.
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
The Brickster answers your emails.
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PostPosted: Fri May 23, 2008 1:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Koyori and the Brickster travel to the Cannes film festival to debut the newest addition to the McBurly legend, "Onryou Ryoushi".
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
The Brickster examines mass transit in Kyoto.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
The Brickster comes face to face with the elusive Secret Japan Hater's Club.

Caveat: It’s long, and accordin’ to Koyori McBurly, “makes no sense” and “I DO NOT wear a thong".
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 2:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
The Brickster takes a close up look at the Japanese Schoolgirl Uniform. And yeah, guys, there's pics.
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 1:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Two words: Darin Fidika.
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
What happens when banned board member Kato Kiyomasa enters into an unholy alliance with Wikipedia? Hilarity ensues in KATO KIYOMASA-DESTROYER OF HISTORIANS!
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Brick McBurly
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Now that the two lamest and most poorly qualified candidates for US President have made it official, the Brickster has determined it's time for a surgical strike on the US political landscape that'll make Nobunaga's attack on Okehazama look like a bunch of kids playin' at summer camp. I'm makin' my move-check out Channel 3 in NYC's news story about the Brickster HERE.
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 2:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
The Brickster prepares to spank the monkey.


NO, you perverts, not THAT!
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 12:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
The Brickster pays homage to the new king.
Maybe not suitable for work, although yer co-workers would love it.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Some of you might have read the short version of Kato Kiyomasa's return elsewhere on the site. But the Brickster's here with the full version.

November 3, 2008-Last Friday was Halloween, and even though it's not somethin' that is celebrated much in Japan, the Brickster and several of his cronies got together to get into the spirit of the season anyway. We had the spooky jack-o-lantern with the flickerin' light inside, the fog machine, candy corn imported straight from an American Wal-Mart, and a buncha scary set dressin' and props we 'borrowed' from the effects department at the studio. Everyone was in costume, and all the chicks looked smokin' as anime characters, shrine maidens, French maids, or schoolgirls. After a few drinks, the guys in the group even decided to engage in a round of door to door trick'r'treatin'. Now, the Brickster was dressed as himself, and got lots of offers of treats from the local hausfraus-of course, I'm gonna have to visit them at a later time in order to collect. Obenjo was dressed as a Jesuit priest/flasher, and did his best to convert the masses-but I think his disguise was too good, since he ended up runnin' from the cops most of the night. The crafty Lord Baka Tono escaped capture by hidin' under the habit of some woman dressed as a nun, but didn't even come out for about an hour after the cops left.

Anyway, the eeriest moment of the evenin' came when the house lights were dimmed and most everyone was smashed enough to believe pretty much anythin'. That's when Obenjo had us gather around the grinnin' jack-o-lantern for a Halloween tradition-Obenjo Kusanosuke's famous "Tales By Midnight".



"The vassals of the Samurai Archives lived in constant dread of the gibbering serial poster, the loathsome and shadowy Kato Kiyomasa. The drooling Kiyomasa spread his terror across the land, leaving no household free from his madness. Formerly brave retainers quaked in fear and burrowed under the futon when they heard the words "bushido" or "house codes" drift in upon an evil wind. These harbingers of doom were such that even the mighty Ashigaru was known to remain behind closed doors on naughty manga day at Book-Off.

Presently, the evil threatened to engulf the loved ones of the vassals. Realizing that all that he treasured was at stake, the warrior Tatsunoshi shook himself from his state of fugue. He ventured forth, keyboard in hand, to engage in a battle from which he expected he would not return. Drawing power from the very kami of the land, with a Herculean effort he managed to drag the hellish fiend Kiyomasa into the light, forcing the creature to drop his masquerade and expose the ugliness that lay beneath the veneer. Kiyomasa screeched, "You think that you've won-but I'm posting everything that I have on you morons! You'll be discredited academically and you won't be able to sell any books after I'm through with you! I'm posting copies of this crap all over the internet and..."

Tatsunoshi steadfastly closed his ears to the curses of his unholy advesary. He called upon the kami to lend him their strength, and as if in answer to his plea, the skies were ripped asunder by a bolt of lightning so powerful it seemed as if it came from the Shogun himself. Tatsunoshi was momentarily blinded, and when his eyes readjusted he saw that Kato Kiyomasa still stood-but that where his head had been now lay only a smoldering stump. Kiyomasa crumpled to the ground, and the malaise that had gripped the land lifted as if it had all been a dream.



But evil never rests. It bides its time, patiently waiting for an opportunity to ingratiate itself with the fringes of humanity where it might live again.



Kato's chance manifested itself in Dr. Christopher West, a western scientist who was rumored to be the grandson of the architect of the 'Miskatonic Massacre', Dr. Herbert West. West was known among his peers to be willing to attempt anything to achieve his ultimate goal-reanimating meaningful historical discussion among the vassals of the very same Samurai Archives Kato had vexed. When West was deep in his cups, the spirit of Kiyomasa whispered grandiose promises of riches and heretofore unknown historical tidbits into his ear. Finally, West could resist the hypnotic pull of Kato's allure no longer. Duped into believing that the historical Kiyomasa wished to be born again into this world, West used the arcane and esoteric techniques handed down by his grandfather to manifest Kato in the form of his disembodied head. Wasting no time, Kato began to unleash a stream of invective against Japanese historians who blasphemed against the holy writs of bushido. "Frrrriiddddaayyyy.....Connnnnnnnlan....Chammmmmmmmberlain...."


At this point, Obenjo paused dramatically and began to look about, surveyin' the crowd.

"Whose name will be the next to be cursed? Who next will taste the lash of the madman's tongue and live out his life an outcast, forever barred from the History Channel? Will it be...Tony? Nagaeyari? Heron? Perhaps he's already gotten Domer. Or maybe it will be.....YOU!!!!!!!!!"


At this, a large pan with a severed head came flyin' into the center of our little assemblege. After the initial shock had worn off and things had calmed down, the head blinked, opened its eyes, and began to moan. What followed can only be described as utter chaos, as Obenjo's audience let out a collective scream and scattered to the four winds-at least savin' the local cops the trouble of breakin' the party up. The Brickster was so stricken with fear he passed out, or at least that's the excuse I'm givin' this time.

The next day, Obenjo was nowhere to be found. An effort was made to find him, but few had any hopes that it would achieve results. Some say he went to China to escape the unspeakable curses of the undead Kato. Others say he went to Soapland. And no one speaks of the reborn fiend that claimed him. Well, ceptin' I'm doin' it here, but it ain't really speakin' and the Brickster's never been afraid of a little head.
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 11:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hey! Who's the jolly soul with the big sack that comes around with gifts every Christmas? Why, the Brickster, of course! And today I'm bringin' ya the inside scoop on my holiday special, to be screened on New Year's on Samurai Action channel.

Now, seein' as how it's a bit friskier than normal, I can't post it on the board, but you can see it here on the December 1st and 8th entries in the Monogatari.

So remember, it may not be appropriate for work, unless you work in a strip club or massage parlor, in which case it'd be OK. And if your religious sensibilities are easily offended, I'd suggest not makin' the trip either. But for the Brickster's legions of adorin' fans, sally forth and set loose the horn dogs of war!
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 12:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Ever wonder what Charlie Manson and the Brickster have in common? Look no further than the January 26th entry on McBurly Monogatari to find out!
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PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2009 11:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote


For the full story, check out 'McBurly Monogatari' 5/25-6/1 on the Brickster's site.
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 7:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
All That And A Bag Of Chips

The Brickster gets into hot water drivin' cross country across the USA on his way to the MLB All-Star game as Team Japan's Goodwill Ambassador (more on that next week). Check it out on the July 6th entry in the Monogatari (that means scroll past the entry for the 14th-the dumbass NL lost anyway).
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 1:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
July 20, 2009-I was gonna talk about my gig at the All-Star game as Team Japan’s Goodwill Ambassador this week, but after the last coupla’ entries I received some emails raisin’ an excellent question. Basically, they all read, “Brickster, where the hell was Koyori when you were getting yourself into trouble trying to score a Frito Lay, so to speak? I can’t see her letting you do something that stupid if she’d had been there, taking on the traditional woman’s role of saving men from their own idiocy”. Well, that’s true-Ko is known for tryin’ to keep the Brickster on a very short leash. But for once, she was off tendin’ to her own career.



As you can see, Ko was puttin’ her wares on display for all the horn dogs around the world by doin’ a photo shoot for Maxim. And if I do say so myself, the results were spectacular-in my eyes, she’s the hottest babe to ever grace the pages of that fine example of American men’s culture. I sure hope they let her keep the outfit, cause I have some big plans involvin’ her and it when they return to Japan this week.

However, in Japanese society, it’s never good for a man to be upstaged by his wife-especially a virile he-man like yers truly. So I had to figure out a way to get some media buzz of my own-fast. With Ko lookin’ so fine, it wouldn’t be easy. Luckily for me, I was scheduled to attend a ceremony at the Studio where I was to be awarded my first gold record (for “House of the Gaijin Bum”-see the Monogatari entry from a few months ago). Since I owed it all to the housewives and schoolgirls that dutifully took the Brickster’s download and put it on their MP3 players, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to do an impromptu photo shoot of my own. So here’s a little preview of that-



I bet within a week it’ll be the desktop wallpaper on the computers of virtually every OL and hausfrau in Japan. Probably the same for quite a few folks pursuin’ alternative lifestyles as well, but what they hell-they buy movie tickets, DVD’s, and CD’s too.

We also finally wrapped up several half completed projects, and began work on a new film. Since the movie’s about ninja, the title is sekrit and can only be whispered down a well at midnight. But here’s a teaser promo still featurin’ one of my co-stars-somebody I think everybody at the Samurai Archives might know…


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