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maikeruart
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 3:55 am    Post subject: Why didn't it win. Reply with quote
Trying not to sound like a complainer. But I would like to hear peoples criticism of Noriatsu the Liar. I am working on my submission for the Samurai Fiction contest and I would like to not make the same mistakes twice.

There are a couple flaws I noticed(im not mentioning them because their obvious)

My proffesor said on the negative it was too much like Mr.Miyagi, but the theme of social class was a positive.

So does anyone have any opinions or critiques?
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JLBadgley
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 4:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
No offense, but I'm not sure I recall your story in particular--would you mind posting a link to it again?

-Josh
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maikeruart
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
http://www.samurai-archives.com/nnu.html

No prob its 3 years old. I hoping my work this year will blow people away.
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A.L.Mundell
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
"I don't know nothing about art but I know what I like." ok,I like this story~A~
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 2:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I know that the 2008 deadline has passed, but are you still looking for feedback on the '05 story?
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Wave Tossed
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 3:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Are you still interested in making it a novel?
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 7:34 pm    Post subject: Re: Why didn't it win. Reply with quote
maikeruart wrote:
Trying not to sound like a complainer. But I would like to hear peoples criticism of Noriatsu the Liar. I am working on my submission for the Samurai Fiction contest and I would like to not make the same mistakes twice.

There are a couple flaws I noticed(im not mentioning them because their obvious)

My proffesor said on the negative it was too much like Mr.Miyagi, but the theme of social class was a positive.

So does anyone have any opinions or critiques?


I thought it was well written, as far as I was concerned it was in at least the top 25% for that year. I do remember the judges getting hung up on the Japanese grammar of the title. Yeah, I'm 5 months late on responding, but...
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Shisendo
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 1:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
As I read Noriatsu, it slowly dawned on me that it was a parable. If I had been alerted to this from the beginning with a traditional opening like, “In the time when samurai still ruled Japan, there lived a young man in small village named Hirada Akimasa. On this evening, he was kneeling at the hearth...”, I would have clued into the atmosphere sooner. Once I read the story as a parable, I quite enjoyed it. I also disagree with the professor who found his early training Mr. Miyagi-ish. That part seemed authentic and true to the story.
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maikeruart
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Wave Tossed wrote:
Are you still interested in making it a novel?


I was thinking of making a series of short stories and publishing one book. With my own money if I have too.

I have a dozen in my head. My flaw is I am just taking on 100 projects and finishing 1.
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maikeruart
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:50 am    Post subject: Re: Why didn't it win. Reply with quote
kitsuno wrote:
maikeruart wrote:
Trying not to sound like a complainer. But I would like to hear peoples criticism of Noriatsu the Liar. I am working on my submission for the Samurai Fiction contest and I would like to not make the same mistakes twice.

There are a couple flaws I noticed(im not mentioning them because their obvious)

My proffesor said on the negative it was too much like Mr.Miyagi, but the theme of social class was a positive.

So does anyone have any opinions or critiques?


I thought it was well written, as far as I was concerned it was in at least the top 25% for that year. I do remember the judges getting hung up on the Japanese grammar of the title. Yeah, I'm 5 months late on responding, but...


I couldn't think of the proper usage for the title. I may just change it to English if I chose to publish it.
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maikeruart
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Shisendo wrote:
I know that the 2008 deadline has passed, but are you still looking for feedback on the '05 story?


Yes for 2 reasons.

1: I want to expand on my style for the 2009 contest. I have a great idea and I don't want to kill it with petty mistakes.

2: I may want to publish it in a book of short stories and want to refine it further. I was in the process of doing heavy polishes on Kyoudai also.
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maikeruart
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Shisendo wrote:
As I read Noriatsu, it slowly dawned on me that it was a parable. If I had been alerted to this from the beginning with a traditional opening like, “In the time when samurai still ruled Japan, there lived a young man in small village named Hirada Akimasa. On this evening, he was kneeling at the hearth...”, I would have clued into the atmosphere sooner. Once I read the story as a parable, I quite enjoyed it. I also disagree with the professor who found his early training Mr. Miyagi-ish. That part seemed authentic and true to the story.


Thank you. I attempted to model the philosophy in Hirada's training after the training I did in Aikido, Kenjutsu and Zen. I had a great sensei who was a big fan of the concept of shugyo.
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Shisendo
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 4:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
maikeruart wrote:


Thank you. I attempted to model the philosophy in Hirada's training after the training I did in Aikido, Kenjutsu and Zen. I had a great sensei who was a big fan of the concept of shugyo.


I'm not surprised to hear about the Aikido connection. It seemed like a deshi situation to me.
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A.L.Mundell
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Maikeruart,if you read the fiction contest this year Onamusha had a lot of contructive critiques for me. Perhaps you might get a read from her.I am qualified enough to say I liked it but she is very surgical Shocked
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