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kitsuno
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 3:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
JLBadgley wrote:
Regarding "Beloved", the action turned me off. Not because of the action, but because it felt like I was reading a Hong Kong action movie script, not a Samurai fight scene. In particular I remember too much kicking and moves that seemed awfully reminiscent of karate, which is really an Okinawan art.

-Josh

PS: Sawasdee Pi Mai (Happy New Year) everyone!


The story could have taken place in satsuma during the Edo period and the samurai could have been formerly of an occupying force of Okinawa for all you know. Laughing but on the bright side, the author did spend about 4 years studying goju ryu karate, so he'd probably be proud he portayed it accurately.
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onnamusha
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 3:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
kitsuno wrote:


The story could have taken place in satsuma during the Edo period and the samurai could have been formerly of an occupying force of Okinawa for all you know. Laughing but on the bright side, the author did spend about 4 years studying goju ryu karate, so he'd probably be proud he portayed it accurately.
I remember pausing when I read the kicking part, but it didn't really bother me, other than to make me think perhaps the samurai either showed a bit of leg while doing it or else he was wearing hakama. I don't normally think of a samurai in a chambara conflict kicking first, but I wouldn't rule it out either if it worked! Wink Maybe it could be a samurai who spent plenty of time in exile on various southern islands, like Saigo did. Come to think of it, this angle might have done well to explain the origin and pursuit of the viewpoint character...a strange abomination out of the southern islands, pursued by one who encountered him there long ago and now, chillingly, finds him on the mainland... Anyway, I won't go too far with that, but that was an idea that I personally think would have fleshed the story out to make it more satisfying. I enjoyed it nonetheless.
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onnamusha
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 3:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
kitsuno wrote:


How about 'I have a tattoo?' -- it worked for Toyama no Kinsan Laughing

Oh yes! Is this the fellow who dramatically bares his shoulder to reveal the tattoo in a flourish to shock the confronted wrongdoer? I haven't seen any of the adaptations, but it would boggle my mind if an Edo period Joe Friday flashed a tattoo as part of his official duties. Shocked I guess I'd have to see it to understand. The image of Jack Webb whipping off the houndstooth jacket and white button-down shirt to reveal a cherry blossom tattoo would certainly make it more of a comedy... Laughing

gozen wrote:
Oh, but I was so glad to see you mention my descriptions! I failed miserably with descriptions last year, so I've been working on getting more descriptive without bogging the story down. Thanks!!!

If Unfilial had worked, I would have incorporated it into the beginning of my magnificent octopus, but I'm not sure that it does, so I'll have to have a rethink.

It is incredibly difficult to do a good descriptive passage without getting bogged down. You might have noticed that my stories usually are the longest ones submitted of any of them. I have a really hard time cutting words. You wouldn't believe how many pages of "Edo Dragnet" ended up in a "cutting room file." At least three. Alternately, "Great Saigo's Worms" was a one-shot with a few corrections and details thrown in. It took about 30 minutes to write and flowed right after I read the article cited at the bottom of it. You just never know.

I wouldn't scrap the octopus just yet, though. Wink Let it swim around in the tank a little more. A bit of advice I got from a helpful critic last year is: perhaps do an introduction that lays out the situation and the conflict at the outset, so that the stage is set and there is less confusion as to what the conditions of the trudging retreat really are. One of the big problems with "A Dog in Winter" last year is that the situation with the march of the Tengu-to wasn't adequately explained in the body of the text, and it was confusing to some because of that. If I ever get around to revising...well, we know how that is!
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Tatsunoshi
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Onnamusha, were you aware of the Japanese TV series 'Edo Dragnet' when you wrote the story (the TV series is nothing like the story, in case anyone's wondering)?
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kitsuno
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 9:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I have added Kyouran to the list, sorry it's taken so long.
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onnamusha
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 04, 2010 4:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Tatsunoshi wrote:
Onnamusha, were you aware of the Japanese TV series 'Edo Dragnet' when you wrote the story (the TV series is nothing like the story, in case anyone's wondering)?
I remember seeing the title offered on Kurotokagi.com some time ago, but I figured that was just the fancy English title. The Japanese title underneath it was "Onmitsu Doshin Oedo Sosamo." I thought the "Dragnet" in the title was to grab attention. I did think of that, but I've never seen that one. My intention was just to set Joe Friday and Bill Gannon down at the Edo Hatchobori (South) office and go to it in the style of the long-running (US) TV show! Very Happy
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kitsuno
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I just added the link to the last story, they are all up now, and will be linked to the guest articles section this week.
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 9:48 pm    Post subject: Short story comp Reply with quote
Thanks for your hard work Kitsuno.
In the unlikely event that anyone reads Kyouran, I would like to take this opportunity to emphasise that it is a work of fiction, and does not necessarily reflect my or anyone else's views on what Asano was like.
If you firmly believe that he was a hero, you may not like how I have chosen to portray him. If you firmly believe he was a villain without merit, you also may not like the fact that I have humanised him rather than turning him into a moustache twirling villain. But please remember, it's fiction, not "faction". Just as a movie is reel fiction, not real fiction, so a short story is written fiction, not a historical thesis. In that respect, any judgement on the story should be based on the quality of the writing and the inventiveness of the story, not on whether it matches your own views.

I shouldn't have to point this out, and I'm sure you will all be open-minded enough to see the story in the way I intended the reader to see it!
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kitsuno
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 5:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
At long last I have posted the stories to the Featured Articles section. Scroll down the page to find them. And get your thinking caps back on, the 6th annual Samurai Fiction Contest info will be coming up in the next couple of months.

http://www.samurai-archives.com/guestart.html
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