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Oneechanbara-Film Of The Year?

 
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Brick McBurly
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 5:17 am    Post subject: Oneechanbara-Film Of The Year? Reply with quote

A late challenger (on DVD) to ‘Machine Girl’ for the Brickster’s film of the year is the bizarro mesterpiece Oneechanbara. This film has everythin’ in it the discriminatin’ filmgoer could want-zombies, mad scientists, blood, decapitations, senseless violence, flyin’ heads, loads ‘o swordplay, lotsa bad CG, hot chick wieldin’ swords in schoolgirl uniform, even hotter chick wieldin’ sawed off shotgun in skintight black leather, hottest check yet wieldin’ swords in cowboy hat, boots, and bikini, and-just fer laughs-a blonde haired cowardly fat guy along for the ride. Yep, this one gives you yer yen’s worth, and delivers where it counts.



The film is based on the Oneechanbara series of video games (of which the Brickster has all 6), and like most movies based on games is short on story and long on fightin’. Aya and her portly pal Kamiya wander the zombie infested streets of the 21st century lookin’ for Aya’s little sister Saki. In order to protect herself from the hordes of slaverin’, droolin’, fightin’ mad zombies Aya dons her cowboy boots, hat, hot red satin bikini that looks more like underwear, and a feather boa. Why Aya chooses this particular ensemble is never explained, but at least it’s better than the bondage gear that you see in crap like Mad Max. Aya occasionally dons a serape to give her that Clint Eastwood ‘Man With No Name’ vibe, and reinforces this by hardly utterin’ a word the entire movie. While she’s fightin’ a horde of zombies and Kamiya is doin’ his best to hide, they’re joined by Reiko-a motorcycle ridin’ chick in black leather with a sawed off shotgun who blasts her way through the undead. You know this is a video game movie since that double barreled sawed off shoots solid slugs, has no recoil, and can shoot hundreds of rounds without havin’ to be loaded. Good thing, too, since there’s obviously no room in Reiko’s leather outfit fer ammo. Reiko knows where Aya’s sister is and uses this knowledge to enlist her aid in killin’ Dr. Sugita, the dumbass who’s responsible for the whole undead mess. Reiko, Aya, and Kamiya walk off to find a place to sleep for the night-Reiko has seemin’ly forgotten that she has a motorcycle and helmet since you never see them again. From the Brickster’s experience, on a low budget film like this that means they probably had to give it back to the guy in the prop department who owned it.

Kamiya and Reiko exchange back stories. Kamiya’s sister was also killed by zombies and Reiko’s daughter was as well. Kamiya tells Reiko that Aya’s sister Saki killed their father (under orders from Dr. Sugita) and Aya is lookin’ for some payback. Kamiya has never seen Aya smile or cry (although she’ll predictably do both before the end of the movie). While closin’ in on the nutty perfesser’s lab, Reiko rescues a small child, Maria. Why bring a kid in on this? Why, because kids make excellent hostages! Dr. Sugita turns Kamiya’s sister (who it seems wasn’t dead after all, but is now) into a ball and chain wieldin’ zombie and sets Saki after Aya. Kamiya manages to destroy his undead sister and confesses he had run off and left her to die instead of fightin’ to save her like he had claimed. Saki takes Maria hostage and carves her up before retreatin’ back to zombie central. Reiko stays behind to comfort the child (who’s also been infected by a zombie) while Kamiya and Aya enter the ruined factory of Dr. Sugita, where they’re faced by an army of trench coated zombies (which brings some disturbin’ images to mind, but let’s forget that for now). Fat guy sets out to kill Dr. Sugita. Aya engages the hundreds of zombies in combat, with Saki waitin’ at the end of the gauntlet. And what the hell happened to Reiko? By now, I’m sure the suspense is killin’ ya, so go out and buy this classic fer multiple viewin’s (so’s you can catch all the subtleties).

The high point of the film is, of course, the zombie-killin’ action. There’s lots of swordplay and shootin’, with blood and body parts flyin’ everywhere, includin’ sprayin’ the screen in virtually every scene. With all the CG, it’s literally a video game come to life. Fer all that, it’s incredibly fun to watch. Reiko walks through a crowd of zombies flippin her gun around like a baton and shootin’ from every conceivable angle. The swordplay is frentic and wild with liberal doses of glowin’ swords and projectiles added. The blood geysers that erupt when Aya pulls off her spinnin’ 360 degree version of the ‘full moon cut’ are enough to bring a smile to any gorehound’s face. The climatic sword duel between Aya and Saki at the end is set up just like a classic jidaigeki film-and then goes absolutely insane with wire work, super speed, and energy fields. Think Azumi, only 100 times more unrealistic, but kewler. And by a chick in a bikini, who never, EVER, loses her cowboy hat.

Despite this challenge, Machine Girl still holds its position as film of the year. It has a greater variety of warped and depraved bad guys and much bigger doses of over the top humor and insane scenarios. Oneechanbara doesn’t have anythin’ that can quite rise to the level of Machine Girl’s Yakuza Ninja Squad, Drill Bra, or Tempura Arm-and Machine Girl also has the advantage of usin’ mostly old school mechanical FX rather than CG, givin’ it a much more visceral feel (and an edge in cheesiness to boot). Still, though, comin’ in second to an all-time classic is nothin’ to be ashamed of. Hell, why not make it an Oneechanbara-Machine Girl double feature for yer viewin’ pleasure this holiday season? Gotta beat the hell outta ‘It’s A Wonderful Life”.
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Tornadoes28
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 12, 2010 10:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Just watched this. It was mildly entertaining. Not sure why Aya and her sister have matrix-like superpowers though. But I guess like the bikini and school girl outfits, it's just accepted but not explained. The final flaming, crouching tiger/matrix-like fight scene was interesting. I was hoping some clothing might have inadvertently been torn off but no such luck.
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 6:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
This looks a little Oneechanbara-ish:

http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/wb/suckerpunch/

Wow.


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Tornadoes28
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 5:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Wow indeed. Surprised
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